Little Sir

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in, say, FORVER.  I haven’t really had much time to spend sitting at my computer lately. Why, you ask? Because I have a BEBE! That’s right.  Judah Adriel Sawatzky was born on March 2 at 1:42 am, weighing in at a hefty 8 pounds, 12 ounces.  Life has flipped on it’s head.  I think I only gained control of my emotions a few days ago.  It wouldn’t have been safe for me to blog before then. 

Judah is the cutest little munchkin that’s ever been.  He has BIG eyes, dark hair, and the cutest little pucker-lip.  His chin has a slight dimple (cute!), and he has really skinny arms and legs.  And, oh, those bum cheeks!

Ahem.  Yes, I am absolutely in LOVE with my baby.  He really likes to look around, and often I find him watching me while I keep busy folding laundry or cleaning up supper.  He cries a fair bit, but Joey and I have discerned what his different cries mean.  When he’s feeling sorry for himself (aka NAP TIME), he starts by protruding his lower lip out as far as it will go, and his cry is kind of half-hearted.  When he’s hungry, he likes to cry with his eyes wide open.

Like he’s doing right now.

Later!

How did 41 weeks get here?!?

Dear Baby,

You’ve been inside me for 41 weeks.  That’s 287 days.  I would think you should be getting bored by now.  Don’t you want to come out and meet your silly parents?  There’s a lot to entertain out here, I promise.  If you could just kindly send some little hormonal signals my way, I’d be grateful. 

Love, Mommy

it’s not me

I’m feeling the need to blog today…

Here I am, still with child, still getting 8 hours of sleep each night.  Baby is five whole days overdue.  I’m getting really impatient, and I’m kind of loathe to admit that fact.  I wish I was perfectly content, resting in God’s provision, not worrying one bit about my unborn child.

But I’m not.

Why is it that I find it so easy to drive myself crazy?  God has promised that He will bring perfect peace if I simply present all my anxieties to Him (Phil 4:4-7).  That is, quite possibly, the most amazing and flabbergasting promise in a world that is the antithesis of peace.  Yet why do I gravitate towards needless anxiety? James would call me “double-minded” (Jas 1:5-8).  I can’t decide whether or not I truly believe that God is good—at least, that’s what my doubt says. 

Hmmm… could it be that my own flesh opposes any mention of God’s goodness? 

Your flesh hates God all the more because He IS good.

Could it be that I am, by nature, completely and entirely rebellious towards my loving Creator?

Instead of worshipping the Creator, you worship the created.

Could it be that every thought of mine is only evil continually?

There has never been a thought in your head that was not tainted by sin.

It’s true.  All of it. I am the worst of sinners.  I have disobeyed every command that the LORD God Almighty has given.  I have mocked Christ on the cross.  I possess in myself no good thing, no capability to love as Christ loved, and absolutely no accomplishments worthy of praise. 

And yet I will bow before my Father in Heaven, worshipping Him for eternity.

What? How can that be possible?  How can a feeble sinner like you ever even entertain the idea of “making it to” heaven?  You don’t even have any good deeds to brag about.  None.  What makes you think that God will EVER accept you?

Because I go on the merit of another.

Jesus Christ, the Lamb without blemish, shed His pure, perfect, undefiled blood for my sins. God looks at me, and instead of seeing the stinking, rotting, stained sinner that I am, He sees the blood of His Son.  His SON.  He drank the cup of God’s wrath on the cross.  He declared that IT IS FINISHED. 

I am not worthy.

Dear, dear LORD, give me the grace to trust in You.  Give me the grace to come before you in prayer and present all my anxieties to you.  Give me the grace to live life by the Spirit, and not by the flesh (Rom 8).  Take my anxieties and replace them with peace from You.

Amen.

Overdue is such a negative term…

…like my baby is curdling in there, or something bad like that.  You know, there should actually be 41 week pregnancies.  I think a lot more babies would be born closer to the EDD (estimated dates of delivery).  No matter.  Baby will come when baby is ready to come. 

Funny comment of the day: “So, you’re still with us!”  Hmm, yes.  Yes I am.  I don’t plan on dying anytime soon!  Hee hee.  Oh, and apparently there was a rumor that baby came yesterday.  I don’t know how I would have missed that fact.  People are so anxious for us… I think I’ll take a break from anxiety and let everyone else cover for me.  Sound good?

Natural induction attempt #1: Balsamic vinaigrette.  Apparently it worked for my cuz.  It didn’t sound too far out in left field, so Joey and I thought it was worth a try.  I made the mistake of letting my extremely excited, extremely impatient husband dress my salad with it.  There was a lake of dressing on my plate at the end of the meal, and it kind of burned my throat to eat all of my salad.  If this doesn’t work, then… well, it doesn’t work.  Tomorrow’s attempt: fresh pineapple.  Wish me luck, people!

happy due date to me!

Because some of you who read this blog are curiously wondering, “just how big IS she?”, I have included a photo. Right now I feel like a whale, but I’m sure I’ll be grateful to have said photo later on in life. I’m just DONE being pregnant. End of story!

I can hardly believe that today is February 20th—the day I’ve been anticipating for nine months! I remember how jittery I felt flipping through the calendar, month by month, thinking to myself, “In eight months I’m going to be a… be… a… mother?”

It still sounds strange. I don’t feel like I’m going to be a mom. I think that’s one of the things you kind of, well, grow into. I think most women would have a heart attack, or aneurism, or nervous break down, if they started with anything other than a entirely chubby, entirely dependant, and entirely immobile infant. You grow with your children, right?

Despite all my pre-motherhood apprehensions, this baby is going to come into the world sometime within the next two weeks. Am I prepared? I’ve got all of baby’s things set up, washed, and in order, if that counts as being “prepared”. In every other sense of the word, I don’t think I am. What I am prepared to do is trust completely in the LORD God for everything I will need, whether that be physical strength, material things, or mental stability. It is HE who is the Creator and Sustainer of all. That’s enough for me.

If “it” should happen and I am unable to update neither facebook or blog before we head off to the Brandon hospital, you can catch the action following me, arsawat, at twitter dot com. We hope to post updates via cell phone—assuming this whole labour thing doesn’t go ridiculously quick. That, however, would be terribly uncommon, but not unwelcome!

voices!

My brain says, “Clean the house!  Wash the floors!  Fold that laundry! Organize the pantry!”

My body says, “Today, there’s a slight chance of nausea, with a high of minimal heartburn and a low of awkward pains.” 

My baby says, “I’ll come out when I want to.  Na na na na BOO BOO!”

My husband says, “I’ll do the dishes before work JUST IN CASE something happens.  Don’t worry about supper, honey, I’ve got it covered.”

I say, “Germs make you stronger.  

Curse you, weatherman. 

You just wait till your father gets home, missie/mister. 

Are you for reals?!?”

Sob. I’m tired. 
Can you tell?