A lady asked me yesterday if I was counting down the days until this pregnancy was over, or if I was able to take it one day at a time. I was truly able to answer with the latter. I may fill big, bloat-y, achey, uncomfortable, and hot, but am I impatient to end it all? Surprisingly, no.

In some ways I feel like life has been on speed-dial ever since Joey and I got married. We conceived three months after the wedding, had a baby shortly after a year of marriage, conceived again when our first child was only seven months old, and now, at nearly 2.5 years of marriage, we're about to have another child.

I am neither gloating about nor regretting the way our lives together have started. God's got different timelines for everyone, of this I'm certain. What has been impressed on my heart is how precious every season of life is. Why would I want to waste these last days together as a family of three fretting about and attempting to speed the coming of the next stage in our lives?

The last couple of days have been as Judah-centered as I could make them. That's meant that I've spent a lot of time playing with him and simply savouring the blessing of my big boy, my first child. He's going to change so much when this new baby comes. He's going to be the big brother - the one that looks out for his siblings. He's going to set the standard amongst our children, whether he likes it or not. They will look up to him and try to emulate what he does. My baby boy is about to discover what growing up is all about. It's come sooner for him than it does for many children. Knowing his temperament and easy-going disposition, I'm quite certain it will be a good transition for him. That, and I know God's is our strength, our portion, and our sustainer.

I am filled with wonder at this new little person inside my belly. I'm already anticipating the warm skin-to-skin I will get to enjoy. I can't wait to breathe in the sweet scent of yet another precious little baby. I am going to be amazed at how small s/he is in comparison to my almost-30-pound toddler (whom I still regard as small, thank you). I'll be startled by the newborn startles, hiccups, and itty bitty cries. All of these things have a nearly irresistible draw to me... but they will come in time. God knows exactly when this miracle will take place. I can rest assured in that knowledge. Until then, I will rejoice in the blessings I have been given and pray for the strength and desire to give those blessings back to Him.

another memory for the books

It seems that the most unconventional dates are the ones that I actually remember. We're out visiting our parents for the weekend and could hardly justify ignoring the chance to get out as a couple. The problem is it's raining quite a lot here, making any outdoor plans a little less favourable in our eyes. What's more, the city we're in runs quite short on indoor activities - except the movie theatre, which is the last place we wanted to go. Necessity proved to be the mother of invention last night, however, and a great date was had.

It started with some yummy pizza at Boston Pizza (half buffalo chicken (with blue cheese!) and half Greek), progressed to (overpriced (majorly)) blizzards at DQ, and ended with a movie on our laptop in the back of our van in a park. Strange? maybe. Memorable? definitely! 

If you ignore the fact that my husband is now incapacitated on the couch from some violent illness that struck him all of a sudden last night, it was a really terrific evening. (That may have been an invitation to pray for healing.) I'm getting the opportunity to play doctor for him, although I think I would rather have avoided the whole practice.

on marriage

our engagement photo

I haven't been that open about my marriage on this blog, except for the passing remark on how fabulous my husband is. It could give the impression that Joey and I are above average in today's society, dealing with very little hardship as a couple. In truth, we struggle just as much as any other couple out there.

If you know me or have stuck around this blog for a while, you probably know that Joey and I were long-distance sweethearts pretty much up until we got married. It's commonly thought that a couple shouldn't get married until they've had a really good fight - just to see how they come through it. I suppose it's one way to test the waters for marriage. That's something neither Joey nor I had the opportunity to experience before we were wed. We were always in harmony together, seeking to put the Lord first in our relationship before each other. There were times of slight miscommunication, but no fights. Neither of us felt the need to greedily hold to our selfish desires. We gave them up for the sake of the other person. So, without so much as a quarrel, we pledged our lives to one another. That was not a mistake.

It's often said that the first year of marriage is one of the hardest a couple will ever experience together. Again, I found this statement to be inaccurate - so long as we were living in obedience to God's word and showing deference to the other person. Our first year was one of great change and new experience (hello, moving four times and getting pregnant after three months of marriage), but our desire to live for the Lord and honour the other person made it one of the most beautiful years of my life.

Now, as we're well into our second year of marriage, things are looking a bit different. And, as much as I am loathe to do it, I need to take responsibility for my actions. It's not that we really fight, but that the driving passion to keep our relationship focussed on God and submissive to each other has been buried under the hullabaloo of life. When we were newly wed, we thrilled to make marriage the most beautiful experience imaginable. It was easy to lay aside my desires for the sake of my husband's. It was something I longed to do, something I looked for every opportunity to fulfill. But, slowly, pride has settled into my heart. 

Pride comes in so many devious forms! It can materialize in the mindset that Joey has his life at work while I live mine at home. It takes root when I think "we've got this marriage thing all worked out" and make no efforts to continue to grow in it. It sinks its claws in when I justify my actions by reasoning that my over-sensitivity and bent to vent is the natural response to Joey's easy-going, hesitant nature. A man and wife are not supposed to fit together because they bring what the other lacks to the table. They are supposed to compliment each other's nature and spur each other on through word and deed. And, unfortunately for me and my big mouth, that does not justify my ability to run on while Joey remains silent. On the contrary, my actions pull him down rather than build him up. 

I know a lot of women get more than a little offended by passages of Scripture that suggest a woman is supposed to be submissive to her husband (ie "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" Colossians 3:18.). That word, indeed, does create some unwanted associations. It seems like such a blunt and thoughtless command. It seems like a woman is required to subdue her character in order to please her husband. What many don't realize is that this particular command comes after a beautiful passage of Scripture in which the author instructs both men and women to clothe themselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, and love. We are instructed to let the peace of Christ dwell in us and to admonish one another, giving thanks to God. All of these things actually serve to enhance one's God-given character, not subdue it. A wife submitting to her husband as God intends is practicing all of these beautiful things out of love and respect for her husband. As much as we women would like to be seen as independent and self-sufficient, our husbands have God-given responsibility and authority over us. They are not told to be dictators, however. They are given a command to love and not be harsh. A husband leading his wife as God intends is clothing himself in all the aforementioned qualities out of love and respect for his wife. It's not a case of "If he loves me, then I'll respect him"or "if she respects me, I'll love her". That mindset will never work out. It is experiential, fleeting, and faulty. It will lead to the death of a godly marriage.

Guys, I'm not writing this because I'm perfect. This has been a journey into Scripture for me. Last night I succumbed to my selfish desires and lashed out at my husband - mostly with stony silence mingled with a few well-aimed blows. I don't even know why I did it, except that I was not obeying God and refusing to cloth myself with love. I wanted to be right about something (and what that something was, I don't even know). I wanted a fight. I tried my best to draw him out, to pique his manly arrogance and feel justified for acting catty. I was so, so wrong to do so. What I needed to do was submit my selfish desires over to God - but that's the last thing I wanted to do. By submitting to God, I would have also chosen to submit to my husband. I was avoiding the real problem in my own heart and attempting to project it onto him. I was simply horrible.

I guess what I'm getting at is that any marital strife I've experienced in this marriage always boils down to whom I choose to serve. Will I choose myself, or my God? It may sound silly, but it's something that has to be decided anew EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I feel like I should set an alarm each morning just so I can sit alone, bow my heart before God, and put on all of those qualities listed in Colossians 3. I must choose God. In doing so, I will without a doubt submit to my husband. I will love him correctly, in all purity. It is the only way this marriage will glorify God.

Marriage is truly a beautiful thing. The union of two people does not just exist in the signing of a contract, but in the actual transformation of two people into one flesh. Please, do not neglect God's commands concerning it. They are there for your good.

One month...

I've been married to Joey one month today. Thus far, my opinion of married life is pretty good. We haven't gotten sick of each other yet! Obviously there are going to be many more things we will have to learn, but I'm ready for it. Maybe not looking forward to it, but ready. I've already discovered that it is a lot of fun to have people over to our house randomly. And it is also fun to call it OUR house! Grocery shopping is also fun. Okay, everything's fun as long as we're together! (does that seem as cheesy to you as it does to me?)

Joey had to work at 4:30 this morning, which meant he was out of bed at 3:00. I always have every intention of getting up with him to see him off, but 3:00 AM hits a person pretty hard. Since his shift was only 4 hours, I proceeded to stay in bed until 10 minutes before he got back from work. Do I feel lazy? Yes. As for the rest of the day, we're planning on going grocery shopping (yay!) and having supper with Jordan. Maybe I'll feel less lazy by the end of the day... we'll see.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Yup, I'm done.