There are a many things I enjoy doing, such as knitting, painting, drawing, and baking.  The common theme among these things? Creating.  I love to create, and in this way reflect my Creator.  My gifts aren't meant to be wasted on myself, but used in such a way that brings glory to God.

Last night I had a conversation with one of my closest friends.  Funny, even though we admit that our relationship is awkward at times and that we're often intimidated by each other, she is still one of the dearest people to my heart.  I love her for how much she loves Jesus and seeks to live for Him.  This talk was long overdue. "I just want to live for Jesus.  I just want to be faithful" she says to me.  "I must tell Jesus how much I love Him."  Her heart is so broken for her Lord.

Why am I not living out of love for Jesus?  Giving all that I do and have to Him?  It is a daily struggle.  I wake up in the morning, begrudgingly roll out of bed, and start my day with complaints most of the time.  When I'm not living for Jesus, everything seems so futile.  Cleaning the house? pointless.  Relating with people? unnecessary.  What have I got to live for if not living for Him?

That conversation last night was monumental.  I told my friend how God had used her to touch my heart and point me back to Christ.  I wasn't surprised at all that she was completely unaware of having done so.  You see, when God uses us, He doesn't blow the trumpets and announce our good deeds to the world.  He says, "Andrea, have faith.  I will do what I set out to do. Period."

I woke up this morning with purpose.  I must tell Jesus how much I love Him.  First, I used my gifts and made muffins, and now I'm about to sit down and soak in His word.  I don't do it often enough.  Don't look at me like that.  I'm not perfect, and you know it.

I actually started this post to put up pictures of my amazing muffins, but I guess the plan changed.  I'll post some pictures some other time.  Right now I need to talk to Jesus.

of weeds

God is working here and now, and I haven't even posted about it!  Shame on me.

Three (and a half) weeks of camp have already flown by.  All I can say is that God has blessed us with amazing staff--young men and women that are seeking Him*.

I promise that this will make sense

I don't even have words today, and I'm not quite sure if that's because I have been diligently studying the language of BEBE or not.  Whatever the case, my attempts to communicate my thoughts have NOT been successful as of late.  I feel like I'm being misunderstood the majority of the time,

hebrews twelve

My heart is breaking.  Breaking because I am a miserable sinner, and I am covered by the blood of Christ.  That I can call God my Father is completely of Christ's merit, not my own.  I am terrified because I know the difference between being obedient to Christ and "politically correct", and that God has called me to the former.  I'm no longer on the verge of fanaticism--I'm swimming in it.

What has happened to the prophets of old?  Where are the Elijahs, the Isaiahs, the Jeremiahs, the Hoseas?  Does God call people to be prophets today?  These witnesses surround me, and I need to throw off the weight of sin, the net of self-righteousness, and the snare of pride.  I need to continue on this road that I started down so long ago and endure.  God has not gotten smaller as I have gotten bigger, as everything else in my world has.  On the contrary, every lesson I learn only reveals the even greater complexities of God.

I am shaky, weak, and wandering.  Oh, Jesus, I see You standing on the water, mastering the waves, and I recall all that you have suffered for the sake of a Holy God.  Such bitterness you have endured!  Such slander!  And yet your sacrifice still holds true, and You have been faithful to the end.  You are faithful for all eternity.  How then have I lost heart, with You as my goal and my crown?

I'm no longer on the verge of fanaticism--I'm swimming in it.

And I'm thankful.



---------------------------------------------


O God, 
show me more of Your holiness.
Show me more of my sinfulness.
Help me to hate sin and to love righteousness as You do.
Grant me a deeper conviction of sin
and a more thorough spirit of repentance. 
And make me holy as You are holy.

{a savior's love} repost

I wrote this post over 4 years ago.  It touched my heart today.

There is something so precious, so mysterious about the love of Christ. Something that goes beyond the areas of understanding, calls to a part much deeper than the soul. It consumes, protects, and wipes all notions of doubt from our little minds. It's greater than faith, greater than hope. And still I hear it calling... deeper... deeper. Come to me. Find peace. Find rest for your soul. Come to me...

Those words may forever ring in my head, an endless cycle that never becomes old. It's always fresh, always a mystery. How can I know this love? How can I rest at ease if I have not explored every corner, every fold of this Majesty?

It's a journey that my flesh does not want to take. After all, I'm human, and what human can let a mystery lie unsolved? You see it in our world. TV shows of investigation, conclusion, justice. Scientists making leaps and bounds in yet another unexplored aspect of life. Information chanels, biographies, the news. We need to know. And I think that knowledge is our downfall.

But this isn't about us. This can never be about us. Love is about Christ. Love is Christ. And, this mystery, beautiful and foreign, is one that will never be solved until we bow before the throne of Christ. Until that day, I will seek to know more of this mystery as Christ has sought for me.

the waiting game

My husband is currently making French toast.  On a Tuesday morning!  He says that he’s just using up stale bread, but I believe that he is the most wonderful man on the face of the planet and he simply loves being good to me.  I love this guy!

Well, I’ve officially enrolled myself in the waiting game.  Even though I’m only 35 weeks and 3 days along, my gut feeling is “be prepared for anything!”.  I might be a little anxious.  Just a little.  But I think that it’s better to live with an awareness of what could happen than to live in ignorance and be caught off guard.

Wait a second—doesn’t that apply to the Christian’s life?  “..it’s better to live with an awareness of what could happen (i.e. Christ returning like a thief in the night) than to live in ignorance and be caught off guard”?  I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 24 regarding the very subject of His return.

No One Knows That Day and Hour
36 "But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son,  but the Father only.
37  As were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.
38  For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark,
39 and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.
40 Then two men will be in the field; one will be taken and one left.
41  Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one left.
42 Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.
43  But know this, that if the master of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into.
44 Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.
45 "Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom his master has set over his household, to give them their food at the proper time?
46  Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes.
47 Truly, I say to you, he will set him over all his possessions.
48 But if that wicked servant says to himself, 'My master is delayed,'
49 and begins to beat his fellow servants and eats and drinks with drunkards,
50 the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know (Matt 24:36-50, ESV , emphasis mine).

How can we really be prepared for the coming of our Lord?  Vv 45-46 state that we must be wise and faithful to carry out all that God has appointed to us.  Come to think of it, I don’t think I have really been living with a daily awareness that my Lord could be coming at any given moment of the day.  I’m reminded of a previous post I wrote entitled “a faithless fig tree”.  I don’t want to be like that fig tree and have my Lord look for fruit and find none. 

I challenge you, followers of Christ, to seriously evaluate the state of your lives.  Are you living for pleasure (for yourself), or are you living in a constant state of readiness for the coming of Christ (for the Lord)?  Ask the Lord what he requires of you, and he will be faithful to reveal all.  Don’t be like that fig tree—caught unaware and cursed by the Lord God himself.

How thankful I am for the whole process of pregnancy and the conviction that I need to be anticipating Christ’s return with greater joy and fervor than I have anticipating my own child. 

“I no longer live”

The word of God is a delicious spring of wisdom, truth, and love!  That the Lord God Almighty would be so compassionate, so loving as to reveal His very character and His unfathomable sovereignty in the words and pages of a book is remarkable.  More than remarkable!  Words, with all their variety and depth of meaning, fall short to praise Him as He should be praised, I’m afraid. 

You may wonder what could be so earth-shattering to bring about such a sudden gushing of conviction.  It’s nothing, really, Rather, it’s that I’m nothing.  Or, better yet, it’s that God has shown me that I need to humble myself to be nothing.  I’m too prone to believe myself as something, and yet even more prone to exert myself to be the most something something that ever was.  I’ve bought into the lie that this life is about “bettering” myself.  “My life is not what it should be… I need to become better…” 

It sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?  Fairly “un-Christian”, wouldn’t you say?  Ah ha.  There lies the problem.  Christians are always thinking about how they can “better” themselves.  I won’t condemn all Christians—I’ll just speak for myself.  When I am feeling spiritually dry, my first thought is, “Oh, I haven’t been reading the word.  Perhaps if I just read the word more, I will be content in my faith again.”  When my earthly relationships seem to be faltering, I immediately think, “I don’t have enough love.  I need to become more loving.  Then my relationships will be better.” 

Hold on a second, what’s wrong with those two things?  What could possibly be said against reading the word of God and being more loving?  Aren’t those good things in themselves?  Then how could these good things—and the pursuit of them—ever lead to anything bad? 

Thus our minds rationalize our behaviour, and thus we are deceived.  I see this deception needs to be explained further.  I will leave that to God’s word.

“…a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ.  So, we, too have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by Christ and not by observing , because by observing the law, no one will be justified.”  (Gal 2:16)

I would venture to say that being justified is the ultimate form of “betterment”.  To be declared righteous, to have your sins removed—what could be better than this?  So, according to this snippet of Scripture, by observing the law (keeping up practices that seem to be required of all Christians), no one is the better for it. 

Okay.  Hold on a second.  Doing good things, being righteous in deed and creed, does nothing to help my plight?  Goodness, what else can God possibly expect? 

Let’s just heighten the tension a little more, shall we?

“… if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”  (Gal 2:21).

The only thing worse than knowing I can’t behave myself out of condemnation is the realization that by doing so, I, in effect, say that Christ’s death on the cross was useless.  

It looks pretty hopeless, doesn’t it?  I must confess that I have not been entirely fair.  I’ve skipped some of the key parts of the passage that explain the solution. (As an aside, isn’t that annoying when people do that?  Give only half the truth of the verse, or purposely ignore the parts that shed the proper light on the situation?  Be constantly in the word, and you will not be so easily taken in!)  What is this solution you ask?  GRACE!  FAITH!  It is by FAITH in Christ that we are justified!  Doing good or proper things doesn’t make us any better.  It just shows that we feel guilty about something or other.  It is by Christ we are justified—by His gruesome death on a condemning cross for the sake of restoring relationship between man and God. 

When we put our faith in Christ’s finished work on the cross—finished because He not only died, but defeated death and rose again—God looks at us and does not see all of the sins which condemn us to hell.  He sees—and accepts—Jesus Christ’s righteousness as our own.  And that’s what grace is—undeserved favour, being accepted as a child of God when our sin has made us nothing more than an undeserving stranger. 

“…a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ.  So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by observing the law, because by observing the law no one will be justified.  If, while we seek to be justified in Christ, it becomes evident that we ourselves are sinners, does that mean that Christ promotes sin?  Absolutely not!  If I rebuild what I destroyed, I prove that I am a lawbreaker.  For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God.  I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.  I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”  (Gal 2:16-21, NIV, emphasis mine) 

Living by faith does not mean we throw the law by the wayside.  On the contrary, putting our faith in Christ for our justification will enable us to joyfully observe the law and NOT depend upon it for salvation!  Faith—the accepting and believing in God’s grace—frees us from slavery to the law for “justification”. 

Paul (the writer of Galatians) attests that those living by faith in Christ will still fall into sin.  This does not nullify the salvation we have received.  It only proves how much tighter we must cling to Christ's sacrifice, how we cannot be justified in ourselves but in Christ’s death on the cross of shame.  We still need to repent of that sin—do not think that by sinning more, we are simply helping God’s grace abound more (see Romans 6)!

I think the verse that sums everything up in this passage is “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (v 20).  In order to truly have faith in Christ above our own attempts at “being good”, we need to actually die to ourselves.  We need to daily put our faith in Christ’s finished work on the cross, and thereby Christ will live in us.  The life we have on this earth will be one of faith, and not one of works. 

This may be a lot to take in, a lot to understand.  I don’t expect anyone to grasp it without the Holy Spirit revealing it.  He has opened this tiny little section of Scripture to me this morning, and I praise Him for it!  THIS revelation is what inspired my previous explosion of adoration for God, for His word.  What a timely lesson to learn. 

“My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”  (Proverbs 3:11-12, ESV)

a faithless fig tree

Sometimes all a person needs to do is find routine. I must admit that my life has been lacking this severely as of late. I mean self-imposed routine, not one forced on you by work or circumstances. It's been easy for me to back slide in this area, what with going to college and working at camp for the past 2 years of my life. But now that I'm a happy little housewife, I need--let me repeat--NEED routine! Suddenly "I'll scrounge up food when I'm hungry" just doesn't cut it. Nor does "it seems that I've got no clean undies for today" (not that this was ever good before!). I've got a hubby to look after! Although he's self sufficient, cooks like a pro, and courageous when it comes to doing laundry, I need to take care of his needs and start providing a comfortable home base that he can come home to and relax in. What a drag to spend part of the evening doing the whole (one? two? three?) day(s)'s dishes!

This is day #3 of my new schedule. It's far from perfect, mind you. I guess the main reason behind my new ways lies deep within me. My soul is thirsty for the Lord. When my life is out of order, when I can see mess, when I know I should be doing something that I'm not doing, misery sets in. It's an apathy spurred on by feeling stressed out about all I have to do. There's to much to do--so I do nothing. I worked the same way through college, but thankfully was always able to focus on that due date and pull together all my projects with flair (at the last minute, of course). Sadly, I can't take this pattern into real life. God's "due dates" are very vague. "Andrea, I'll require all that I've required from you when I require it from you." That's God's answer to my misplaced passions. In other words, He's going to come like a Thief in the Night. There is one small passage of Scripture that rocks me to my core dealing with this very subject: Matthew 21:18-22

Jesus Curses the Fig Tree

18 In the morning, as (Jesus) was returning to the city, He became hungry.

19 And seeing a fig tree by the wayside, He went to it and found nothing on it but only leaves. And He said to it, "May no fruit ever come from you again!" And the fig tree withered at once.

20 When the disciples saw it, they marveled, saying, "How did the fig tree wither at once?"

21 And Jesus answered them, "Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' it will happen.

22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."

In the past I've always slightly ignored this passage. I don't know if it was because I truly couldn't interpret it, or if my heart truly didn't want to grasp the message engraved in it. This story is repeated in different books of the four Gospels, and the line "for it was not the season for figs" is added to the text in verse 19. How unfair! Jesus expects something from the fig tree that has never been expected from ANY other fig tree in history! Come on, Man, it wasn't even fig season. Give the tree a break!

That was wear my interpretation stopped before the Lord revealed this passage to me. And then I realized that if I suddenly found myself before the judgment seat of Christ, it wouldn't matter if I was living in an "off" season or not. God expects things from His children that He would never expect of an unbeliever. He expects the impossible. He expects perfection! If you don't believe me, read the Old Testament. Those expectations have not changed to this day. Don't you think that's a rather unfair requirement? Much like looking for figs on a tree when it isn't even fig season? Don't be fooled. God doesn't accept our limitations--self imposed or circumstantial. "But, God, I've just... well... it's... it's been so busy. I've got no extra time! And then there was that cold I got--remember that? You should have known it would bring down my energy. God, why are you being so unreasonable? It just wasn't my ministry season." Do you see any of those statements actually being acceptable in God's sight? On the contrary, I think the whole argument is abominable. God will curse you and say, "depart from me, you who practice lawlessness!" and you will wither.

That is why this passage is so frightening to me--IF you leave it at that. It's frightening because there is no way that I could ever, ever, EVER be perfect no matter how hard I strive. That fig tree could have never produced fruit out of season even if it was the best fig tree in the whole country. Why? Without faith, we cannot please God. Jesus gives us the answer: By faith you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. Lord, I am a helpless, sin-prone human being. My attempts to please you amount to nothing in my own strength. Father, please, for the sake of Your Name, enable Your servant to walk in victory over sin.

God requires perfection of us, and He is going to come by, looking for fruit, when we least expect it. Have faith, serve God, do not give up hope.

My aforementioned "routine" will mean nothing if I am not bowing my heart, my will, to God. I will be as dry as that fig tree when my Lord comes unless I live by faith.

this is life

Joey and I have been pretty busy lately. There is so much to do at camp--mostly maintenance stuff. Joey's been working hard outside, getting an undeniable farmer's tan. I've been working hard inside, getting unbelievably sick of computers. It can easily start to feel like a simple "day in, day out" type of job if you loose perspective of the greater purpose. I nearly tremble in fear when I think of what God will do here this summer if the leadership are living in obedience to Him. Again, I am reminded that He is calling me to be obedient, and that is all. He will do the rest. It's not up to me to change the hearts of unbelievers!

In the midst of all the busyness, we've been able to find time to rest and recoup. Last weekend we went to Weyburn to visit my parents. We got there completely exhausted from the week, and one would think that our visit would have been a joke as a result. Not so! My parents are also full-time missionaries in their church and with my relatives, so they know well the demands of ministry. We vegged out with them and never felt a twinge of guilt. Oh, how I love my family! The pictures above are from our Weyburn trip.

God's grace is simply overwhelming. In all my years of studying the word of God, I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this wonderful truth. In preparation for LDP 2009, I've been working my way through Romans, Galatians, and all the other Epistles. I've just finished both Romans and Galatians--such jam-packed books! The overwhelming truth in both of these is the enormity of God's grace! As Christians, we can so easily strive to live our lives so that we measure up to a specific standard, and then call it a day. This is such a heinous distortion of what Christ came to earth to defeat! Christ brought life to all--that means we are no longer held captive by the Law, which only reveals the sin in our lives and has no power to save us. Christ's righteousness has been credited to our account, and we've been considered justified. No more of this beaten-down, robotic adherence to all of the arbitrary laws tacked onto the Law! Because of His sacrifice, we are counted righteous and FREED from the Law of sin and death. It's such a hard thing for me to understand. I so easily slip back into mindless law-obeying behavior. I need to live every day, every moment by faith in my Savior rather than in false confidence in my own flawed self.

These are just some the thoughts that have been swimming around in my head lately. If anyone has anything else to add--their own struggles, lessons they've learned--please feel free to leave a comment. Remember, as Christians we are on this glorious journey together. Though, mind you, everyone's at a different place, learning a different lesson. I have faith that God is a good God who is painstakingly composing every story.

the quest for truth

Isn't it ironic that truth-the word itself-has thousands of meanings to thousands of different people? This world can't even agree on what the word means, let alone what Truth actually is.

Is it an unchangeable, unwavering object?

“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.”

Winston Churchill

Or simply the loudest voice among all voices?

“Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived.”

Oscar Wilde 

It seems to have taken on a very distinct meaning in today's day and age. That meaning: you decide. "If it's right for you, then it's right for you. You feel good? Great! Keep at it. It simply must be true if I think it is! Maybe it's not true for you, but it is for me." This is the attitude that is prevailing in our thriving society, and it is sickening. I honestly don't understand how truth could exist if it varies for each person and if it's there only part of the time. Truth should be as unchangeable as gravity. Can you imagine if the laws of gravity reflected spineless, postmodern "truth"? Some people would float while others would be grounded, and there would never be any assurance of exactly WHEN it would kick in. The world would be in absolute chaos. Now I ask, what state is the world in today with the current understanding of truth? It is in absolute chaos.

There is one Truth, as there is one law of gravity. That truth lies within the covers of the Word of God. It is the Creator of the universe, the fallen reality of the world, and the death and resurrection of the Saviour. It is the Hope that does not disappoint. It is my sinfulness, God's holiness, and redemption.

Why does this world oppose truth so much? We have been deceived into thinking that by living our own lives for our own pleasures, we are living out our own truths. What we are really doing is celebrating our lack of Truth. Unless we earnestly seek out truth, we will continue to be fed this lie.

Seek the LORD God Almighty, who created this world for a purpose-to bring glory to Him. He exists whether you believe it or not, and He loves you. Turn from celebrating the festivities of a multitude of lies to acknowledging the truth that sets you free. Cry out, as a desperate father of a sick child did so long ago, "I do believe: help my unbelief."

Until we earnestly seek Him, we will be fed the lie that consumes us.

Jesus Christ

I have been a Christian almost my whole life. I first made a concious decision to follow Jesus when I was four years old. My dad was reading me a Bible story before bed, and it was the story of Adam and Eve. What struck me was how their sin had seperated them from God. Although young, I understood the severity of being seperated from God, and I did not want that. So, I gave my life to Christ. God has been working in my heart constantly ever since.

I cannot explain this relationship I have with God. It's a longing, a feeling, a weeping of the soul that cries out... It does not exist only in my mind. I feel it in my soul. I feel a calling to put aside my foolish, human ideas, and to embrace the All Powerful.

God wants me. He suffered an excruciating death because he wants me. He doesn't need me, really. God will still be God. But He made me so that I may give Him glory. Who am I to think that I have any ownership in this relationship? Like a groom pursues his bride, God has pursued me. He has watched me suffer.... has suffered with me. My pain can not compare to God's. He knows this world does not love Him... He could just destroy it right here and now... but He has mercy.

God has put a calling on my life. And that is to tell the world that they might believe that the Lord Almighty, He is God.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgement, but has passed out of death into life." Jesus himself said these words!!!! Oh, that the world might believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the savior of our souls, that HE IS LOVE.

"I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst." He is the satisfaction of our starvation... the quenching of our thirst! But we must first believe!

"All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out." There is no rejection found in Christ... only love.... but first we must come!

"If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." Freedom... knowledge... belief... all in Christ Jesus. The cost: Your life. Your physical, small life on earth. All you are. For Jesus. The author and perfector of our faith!!! Its a small price to pay to the One who created you, the One who suffered for our sins when He himself was sinless, the One that pursues becaues HE LOVES YOU. What does the life committed to God look like? It's like this: Life by faith... no fear in life, but an unquenchable hope and joy. Its love... for everyone. Love flowing from who you are. It's peace. Its complete and total freedom because you are no longer a slave to the petty issues of the world. Yes, they are there, but they no longer define who you are! Yes, the law says you're a sinner, but Christ says you are a child of God!

"But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."

May the God of Love show you His infinate compassion... joy... peace... patience... FORGIVENESS.

The Divine Dream

This post is kind of a second look on the last one. Yes, when I had that dream, it was horrible. But I am convinced God gave me that dream to warn me of the trial to come.

God is so amazing! He speaks through dreams! There is nothing that God cannot bring himself glory through! I had thought the dream was a nightmare, but it was something more mysterious than a nightmare. It prepared me, it allowed me to feel pain before the actual thing... and I thank God that he found it right to warn me.... because he loves me.

First Love

I was recently listening to a whole composition of different sermons from very influential Christians. It was called "the Revival Hymn" and, I have to tell you, it was absolutely amazing.

There were quite a few different preachers (though I do have to apologize because I am not sure of their names), and they all spoke on revival (hence the title). There was so much I could have taken from that presentation, and when I was watching it, I felt like I was being hit in the gut.

Statement after statement after statement came at me, and all I could do was listen. There was not really time to sit and contemplate each thing that was being said, but I simply had to listen. Just listen. What I heard moved me in my soul and made me cry.

The most influential statement came from a man that had, at one point in his life, went to Africa do do missions work. He went to tell un-knowing, naive little tribespeople (as he thought them) that there was a wonderful savior that wanted to make their life so much better. Upon arriving and living with the people, he found that they weren't naive. They weren't waiting for some person to come and tell them about Jesus. They knew they were sinning, and they liked it. They indulged in their flesh, they lived for pleasure. And they did not want God.

Now, the man was in great turmoil in his soul and he wanted to leave that place. He wanted to let the people live in their sin because they wanted nothing to do with God. He thought, "Let them live in their sin! They don't want to clean up their lives, so why should I make them?" That's when God got a hold of him.

What He said sounded something like this, "Do I not deserve the ones I suffered for?"

"But, God, they don't want anything to do with you! They like their sin. They want to live in it. They don't deserve to go to heaven."

"Do I not deserve the ones I suffered for?"

"God, I cannot speak to these people when they refuse to hear me."

"DO I NOT DESERVE THE ONES I SUFFERED FOR!?"

Silence.

"I died an agonizing death! I went down to depths of hell! I defeated death! I rose to life. I paid for those African souls with my flesh, my blood, my life, and you won't speak to them because they won't hear. What does this have to do with them wanting me? What does this have to do with you? Do not I DESERVE the ones I suffered for?"

"Yes, Lord."

"Go."

It may have not gone like that. It may have not even been a conversation. But what I know is that God set something straight in that preacher. Do I not deserve the ones I suffered for. Have you ever thought of missions that way? Have you ever thought that you're not going there for the Africans. You're not going there because you have any power. You're going there for Him. Christ paid for the lost with his blood. They did not ask Him to do it. He did it because HE loved them... because HE wanted them.

We love Him because He first loved us.

A Savior's Love

There is something so precious, so mysterious about the love of Christ. Something that goes beyond the areas of understanding, calls to a part much deeper than the soul. It consumes, protects, and wipes all notions of doubt from our little minds. It's greater than faith, greater than hope. And still I hear it calling... deeper... deeper. Come to me. Find peace. Find rest for your soul. Come to me...

Those words may forever ring in my head, an endless cycle that never becomes old. It's always fresh, always a mystery. How can I know this love? How can I rest at ease if I have not explored every corner, every fold of this Majesty?

It's a journey that my flesh does not want to take. After all, I'm human, and what human can let a mystery lie unsolved? You see it in our world. TV shows of investigation, conclusion, justice. Scientists making leaps and bounds in yet another unexplored aspect of life. Information chanels, biographies, the news. We need to know. And I think that knowledge is our downfall.

But this isn't about us. This can never be about us. Love is about Christ. Love is Christ. And, this mystery, beautiful and foreign, is one that will never be solved until we bow before the throne of Christ. Until that day, I will seek to know more of this mystery as Christ has sought for me.