amazed

I am completely aware of God’s goodness on this day.  The Cuteness had another weigh in, and the results are completely shocking—in a good way, of course.  He has gained 17 ounces in 7 days—about two and a half times what he needs to gain per day.  Guys, this is fantastic news!  If you recall when this whole weight gain fiasco began, you’ll remember that Judah had lost 11 ounces over a period of 4 weeks.  Well, in just one week he has managed to gain an additional ten ounces on top of what he was supposed to gain!  It’s as if this whole hiccup never happened.

I don’t credit this victory to myself at all.  Are you kidding me?  If it weren’t for the grace of God and the prayers of His people, I’d be melted into some obscure puddle somewhere along this long road.  I’m serious.  I have had so many major melt-down, pillow-pounding, “I’m-not-cut-out-for-this” moments that make me feel ashamed and completely unworthy of the blessing of a son.   If anything, I have been reminded (ALWAYS being reminded) that I need the LORD all the more.

Being a mother isn’t exactly what I thought it would be.  Actually, I didn’t think of it much for the very reason that experience has shown me how wonky my expectations always turn out to be.  I knew two things going into this: God wants to use me in the life of a child, and He has put it on my heart to be a wife and a mom.  So far, all I’ve accomplished is establishing that I can’t do it.  Yep, you read that right.  I am a selfish wife and an unloving mother—without the grace of God.  Anything—anything—good that comes out of this life is by Him and for Him.  Because He is good and I am not.

What an enormous calling we parents have—to teach our children God’s holiness and man’s depravity.  It’s sad to think how many people have exchanged God for man and man for God.