reason for living

Ever since the Cuteness was born, I've felt like many of my talents have been put aside so I can take good care of my favourite little person (note the use of the word little. My husby is my favourite big person--he's a bit less demanding).  I'm really not bitter, though.  Motherhood is a joy that not all women have the privilege of experiencing, and I'm far to aware of this fact to take it for granted.  I trust and hope that God will always set me straight when I start to view it as just another task to complete.  He already has.

This may be a grossly over-stated fact, but life changes when a baby comes into the world.  It's not just the getting up in the middle of the night to change a screaming baby's diaper.  It's not the stiff neck, the sore back, or the dirty laundry.  The biggest change comes when you realize that there is another living being that depends solely on you for everything.  I'm not just talking food and a clean diaper, but love, discipline, language, manners, opinions, attitudes, dispositions, beliefs, experiences, and encouragement.  An innocent little child is a perfect and terrifying mirror to hold up to oneself.

A few days ago as I was attempting to get Judah ready for the day, I turned my back on him to riffle through a stack of his shirts for just the right one to complete his little outfit.  His happy little coos made me smile, and I momentarily forgot that my baby can roll. As I turned around, I caught sight of my happy baby boy slipping off the bed and onto the floor.  My heart jumped into my throat as I whisked him up into my arms.  The tears flowed freely as I kissed his head and said "I'm sorry!  I'm so sorry..." over and over again.  His frantic cry seemed to say "I thought you were going to watch me.  Always!" My poor, sad, bewildered little child.

Thankfully, there were no long-term consequences for my negligence, and hardly any short-term consequences except for two or so minutes of very sad tears.  My action (or lack thereof), though inexcusable, was easily redeemed.

As a parent and a follower of Christ, I'm charged with the task of correctly caring for my child--that will definitely include how I watch over his spiritual welfare.  Just as, at this point in time, I need to watch Judah with extreme care to keep him from harm unbeknownst to him, I need to show discernment in what influences I allow into the home (and when I say "I", I'm not excluding Joey from the task).  This is the way I see it: as of now, Judah is ignorant of the evils of the world.  He doesn't yet know what could hurt him, and he doesn't yet have a concept of right and wrong.  I know it's imposible for me to keep him entirely from all bad things, but what I can do is help teach him the skills he needs to make right choices.  Joey and I are responsible for that, to be sure.

I don't want to be so slack about "this whole discernment thing" that Judah comes to have a wrong view of who God is and what His holiness actually means.  We need to be as shrewd as snakes, but as harmless as doves.  The worst possible end to life on earth would be if my son was left, poor, sad and bewildered, asking, "Why didn't you tell me? I thought you were going to watch me.  Always!"  while I recall a lifetime of lukewarm faith, complacency, and compromise.

So, getting back to my first thought about setting aside talents, I've decided that it is no bad thing to be devoted to my family.  If I can be known for anything, I would rather have it be for how I loved my family rather than how I  could decorate my home, or complete DIY projects, or knit beautiful sweaters, or paint beautiful pictures, or make beautiful music.  Those are all secondary to the joy and privilege of being a mother.   May I never find this privilege burdensome, never lose sight of my Saviour, and NEVER stop fearing the Lord.