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Thanks to Annemarie (and Lucy) for lending us these!

37 weeks & a closed giveaway

My baby! The one inside my belly! Is FULL TERM today! My due date is still July 20th, but as far as Nutmeg's development goes, s/he is pretty much fully- cooked in there. I would greatly appreciate alleviation from my current state within the next two weeks or so... but there I go again, wishing for things I can't control. Silly me.

Today also brings me to a point of business: my giveaway is now officially closed for entries. I want to keep this as fair as possible. Here's a recap of all the guesses:

Grandma Weyburn - July 12 at 7:12 PM
Annemarie              - July 14 at 4:14 PM
Mackenzie              - July 15 at 10:50 PM
Jennifer                   - July 16 at 10:00 PM
Criston White         - July 17 at 10:14 AM
Ashley                    - July 18 at 8:00 PM
Sharon Wiebe        - July 18 at 8:00 PM
Amanda Penner     - July 18 at 2:01 AM
Beth Boschman     - July 19 at 11:26 PM
Me!                        - July 20 at 6:00 PM
Susan Audrey        - July 21 at 1:20 PM
Barb Knott             - July 22 at 10:35 PM
Joey Sawatzky       - July 22 at 2:00 AM
Mom Sawatzky      - July 23 at 7:23 AM
David                     - July 23 at 7:32 AM
Sonya Toews         - July 24 at 12:31 AM
Candice                  - July 25 at 5:30 PM
Morgan                  - July 26 at 6:21 AM

There you have it! As you can see, some of the guesses are pretty close - two even land on the same date at the same time. I might just be making two monkeys after all.

I hope you have a wonderful day!

tonight's entertainment

some day, bud... someday.

blessed

Joey stayed home from corporate camp staff training this year to a) spend time with his family b) help get this house properly unpacked, and c) not leave his 9-months-pregnant wife and toddler at home without (much) electricity*. We worked pretty hard this weekend to make this house a place of rest and retreat in what will be a very busy camp season. In my experience, ministry is only as sustainable as your home life is peaceful. 

As of now, I can say that our home is about 80% set up - the exception being the stack of rubbermaid totes in our bedroom that have not found a permanent home and the study/piano room that is totally not functional as of yet. The rest is nearly complete! I can walk through my house and see only two or three small boxes instead of a sea of them. I feel so very much more sane with all of the freed up space in this house! It also helps that we took (nearly) a van load of things to MCC the other day. How did we have so much in such a small house, you ask? I have no idea. I guess there were a lot of boxes we had forgotten about down in our crawl space - stuff from years past, mostly pre-marriage. Whatever. It's gone now!

That's all I have time to show you for now. Happy Monday, everyone!

*We do have one plug-in available that is currently servicing our fridge and internet thingy. When the fridge stops cooling, we often unplug it to boil water or toast bread or straighten our hair or shave our beards... you can decide who does what!

50 things to be thankful for

1. Jesus died for my sins, and by His merit I am counted a child of God.
2. I have a wonderful husband who's done much more work for this move than I have.
3. My son brings joy to my life and heart every single day.
4. His skills of communication are growing daily.
5. My mom and dad are always thinking of and praying for me.
6. Nutmeg is no longer in posterior position.
7. S/he is growing just as s/he should be.
8. We are in our new house before camp and before Nutmeg arrives.
9. Living off of one plug-in is easier than I thought it would be.
10. We have access to clean water at all times.
11. This has been a complication-free pregnancy.
12. Our cat has adjusted wonderfully to the new house and even seems to be reconciled to Judah.
13. I am under the care of a midwife for this pregnancy.
14. Joey and I have made friends in our church community.
15. Praying for people is the deflater of bitterness.
16. The Holy Spirit presides over the word of God and He is faithful to teach the willing heart what its saying.
17. Sickness, pain, and death serve to point us to the all-powerful, all-sovereign God.
18. God has enabled many skilled people to write hymns and songs of praise that enable me to express what my mouth so often fails to find words for.
19. There are many people in my life whose faith I desire to imitate.
20. We have the freedom to ask God for what we lack, whether that be food, health, or faith.
21. God's ways will never be fully comprehended by man. If they could, He wouldn't be God.
22. Jesus Christ is at the right hand of the throne of God interceding day and night for His people.
23. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us when our words stumble and fall short while in prayer.
24. There is no reason to be ashamed of the Gospel.
25. Every day brings enough time in which to accomplish exactly what God has set out before me to do.
26. So many of my friends are also experiencing the joy of new life - pregnancies and babies abound!
27. My husband's job enables us to raise a family in the beautiful countryside.
28. My husband's superiors provided us with a brand new house to live in.
29. The role of a mother changes and grows as both myself and my children change and grow.
30. We haven't had to worry about getting anything to prepare for this baby.
31. Judah will have a playmate in a very short amount of time!
32. We were able to purchase a vehicle that meets (and exceeds) all of our family's needs.
33. A messy floor means an active and developing child.
34. God's provided camp with a capable and God-fearing leadership staff.
35. Ice-cold showers leave you feeling refreshed and your hair silky-smooth.
36. God's conviction on how much stuff we possess and how we spend our money has come gently. 
37. We finally have a room to call our own in our house.
38. We ourselves have been untouched by flood waters.
39. The flooding going on across the prairies is not something that has escapee God's notice. He's still sovereign over it.
40. I have been able to keep in touch with far away friends via the internet.
41. God gives grace upon grace upon grace upon grace...
42. My husband's late maternal grandmother left behind an undeniable legacy of life in Jesus' name.
43. The Bible study group we are blessed to be a part of is continuing throughout the summer.
44. God is more powerful than my phobia of storms.
45. My son is sleeping peacefully in the next room, allowing me time to capture my scattered thoughts.
46. My husband is my best friend and every day together is truly a gift from God.
47. I now have the space I need to use my creative talents to provide for my family.
48. I am not an island unto myself as I journey on this narrow road - the narrow road of the follower of Christ.
49. I am seeing many, many answers to prayer, and God's using that to build in me the desire to pray more fervently, with more faith.
50. A thankful heart brings much-needed perspective to my life.

musings

It's so hard for me to grasp that there will be a new little person in this world in a very short time - my little person. I firmly believe that s/he was a living human being from the moment of conception, but somehow it's just different when a baby enters the world in the naked flesh for the first time.

I like to sit and daydream about what this little one will look like. Will she have big brown eyes like me? Will he have a shaggy mop right from birth (if heartburn is any indication)? I wonder how this one will compare to Judah as a newborn. While Judah was a stocky little football-player of a baby, this one could be slight and long. I try to hope that my labour and delivery will be quick and without complication, and that I will be strong enough to endure without medication. I try to recall those first dreamlike days with Judah and assure myself with the belief that I am so much more prepared this time...

The problem is that I can't dream any of these things into reality. I can't change anything by my hours (days?) of worrying. I can't simply desire a result and expect it to happen. All I really can do is trust that God is knitting together this baby in my womb exactly as s/he should be. I must choose to wait patiently for the day when He will reveal our new little son or daughter to us.

leg cramps

I have a question for all of you brilliant ladies out there.  Last night I experienced my first ever leg cramp and it's an experience I definitely don't want to repeat. It made me cry out in pain and went through three waves before it died down. When I got up this morning my leg was stiff and sore, causing me to limp. I'm pretty sure this is a pregnancy-related thing because my joints have also been swelling for the first time this pregnancy.

My question is this: any tips for keeping this nastiness away? I've heard drinking lots of water helps... but that's about all I know. Please leave your tips in the comments because PAIN WITHOUT A PURPOSE is lame. Very lame. I seriously prefer labour pains over leg cramps.

That's it for today, friends. We're going to be attending the funeral of my husband's maternal grandmother today. To be honest, this is only the second funeral I have ever had occasion to attend. I am grateful that I've never known what it is to lose a close family member. Life is short, however, and all must die. God holds all things in His hands.

everybody needs a sock monkey, you know

I would just like to thank everyone for all of the entries into my giveaway! It's been fun reading all of the responses, my favourites being my MIL and BIL who had guesses within nine minutes of each other. 

Entries for the giveaway will be cut off on the day this baby is officially full term, aka 37 weeks gestation. There's still more time to enter for anyone that's interested! 

I hope everyone out there has a good day on this, the first day of summer. The sun's going to give lots of daylight hours today. Enjoy it! - even if it is cloudy and raining like in SOME places... *cough cough*

the best way to camp...

...is in your own house. It's cozy and relaxing. Just don't try to run the water, go to the bathroom, or expect to plug in more than one thing at a time.

Judah is quite worn out from his day of RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING NEW HOUSE YAY!

That's how we're living right now! Our house moved here on Thursday and we decided that we would move all of our things in on Saturday, with or without water and electricity. It's now Monday and we still don't have either. The thrill of having a BRAND. NEW. HOUSE. is kind of too much for us to refuse, so we're camping out! We should have water hooked up tomorrow, which will mean we'll at least be able to get cold water. Hydro is supposed to come out shortly, but we figure that living without electricity and instant hot water is quite doable. Thank goodness for our former house a few hundred metres away - its fridge is keeping our perishables from perishing.

I spent the day sorting through all of the boxes that had been hiding down in our crawl space. It has caused me to question WHY I accumulate so much junk. Needless to say, many of my once-valued possessions are getting the cardboard-box-labelled-MCC treatment. It feels so. good. 

I'm proud of my wittle colour-coded bookshelf. It probably won't look like this for long.

My husband is taking the evening shift of unpacking. He sat through a standard first-aid course all day and is a little energetic right now. I, on the other hand, am propping up my swollen appendages. Happy eighth-month pregnancy woes to me!

BTW, I am L-O-V-E loving the natural light in our new place! I'm also loving the cuteness of my toddler...

crashing

I've been attempting to cope with the stresses of preparing for a new baby, moving, and maintaining an orderly home all on my own effort. I've been trying to understand circumstances through my own biased vision. I've been relying on sleep and food for the energy I need to make it through the day. I've been waiting for the moment I feel like opening God's word to actually do it.

I've been running myself dry.

I feel frazzled, disoriented, unmotivated, and exhausted. Clutter around me is completely overwhelming my desire to do things. People and the mere thought of being around lots of them makes me feel all panicy inside. I just want to curl up into a ball and pretend the world doesn't exist. 

But it does - in a big way. It exists in a child needing me to fulfill his basic needs at all times. It exists in my dust-bunny overrun, empty house and in my fresh, vinyl-y smelling new one that needs to be unpacked. It exists in the husband who loves me and shoulders the load when I can't make myself do it. It exists in the need I know he has for love and affection. It exists in the wiggly child nestled in my womb that depends on me to keep myself healthy. 

"You just need some time to yourself!" is what I expect to hear from people around me. It's what I automatically think when the world becomes too much and I need OUT. I readily agree. 

But here I am, completely alone in a big, quiet house, and I know I'm far from being healed. I'm trying to heal myself, but all I'm doing is treating disease with disease.

I need Jesus. I need to sit at his feet. I need to spend time immersing myself in ancient Scriptures that point to a God who is greater than all and sovereign over all things. I need to get out of this slough and realize that a lifeline to safety does nothing if it comes from the one who's drowning. I need my God every day, every hour, every breath. I have tasted salvation - I know the sweet, sweet breath of life. But, here I am, choking down putrid draughts of worldly slime.

Instead of coping with my stress, I will present my anxieties to God by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving. Instead of scrutinizing situations out of my own limited understanding, I will look at all under the brilliant light of God's Word. Instead of living on bread alone, I will live on every word that procedes from the mouth of God. Instead of waiting for my murderous flesh to desire life, I will choose Life daily.

I've been running myself dry, but now I know that God will fill the one who seeks Him.

refocussing

I am amazed at how selfish of a person I am.

There is nothing on earth I should complain about.

I have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice on a cross.

Everything I have is a gift from God - I should never start to carry an attitude of entitlement.

My bad attitudes and uncontrolled emotions bring shame upon the name of Christ.

God has placed a task right before me: that of being a wife and a mother.

I am saved.

I have good health.

I have a family of my own.

I have a home.

I have purpose.

I am blessed beyond measure, and it all was given from the hand of God.

Even if I was alone, cold, hungry, and homeless, I would have enough.

Jesus Christ is more precious to me than anything in this world - or at least He should be.

What makes me truly live is not friends, wealth, possessions, or accomplishments.

Every breath is by God's grace.

I will praise God - not because I am comfortable, healthy, and happy,

but because He is holy, all-powerful, and Lord of All.

I really don't know what to title this post...

This morning Joey received a phone call from a board member saying "the house is coming today!", which was totally awesome, but not totally unexpected. I've been praying that it would come on Thursday (today) for about a week now. I don't really know why I picked Thursday, other than that's just what I desired. I decided that I would include my desire in my prayers and trust that, whatever happened, God knew just the right time to make it happen. So, yes, even though my prayer may have been a touch silly, I believe God heard it and responded in His timing. God hears silly prayers, too, if prayed in faith.

Knowing that our presence wouldn't really be beneficial to the men bringing the trailer, Joey and I felt ok to head off to Brandon for my 35 week midwife appointment. It's not like it was an option to miss it, though. Anyways, the appointment was kept and we heard Nutmeg's little heartbeat for the umpteenth time. Apparently I didn't gain any weight since two weeks ago... which is kind of strange to me. I feel like I'm eating well, so I'm not too concerned. It's just strange to compare the weight gain last time (40 pounds total) to this time (12 pounds to date) and wonder if everything's all right. Nutmeg is still measuring on the small side, which isn't a concern as long as s/he's growing (which s/he apparently didn't over these last two weeks). We'll know by next week if we need to go in for an extra ultrasound appointment to make sure everything's on track. Prayers would be appreciated!

After making a quick stop at Superstore, we headed to a different city to visit Joey's maternal grandmother in the hospital. She's really not doing so well... so many things are just not working properly in her body. It's possible that she'll go to be with Jesus in the near future - a thought that is as bitter as it is sweet.

In one day we experienced the promise of new life and the sobering reality of nearing death. Sunrise, sunset. God's sovereignty evident in everything we do.

We finally got back to camp around 5:00 and took a look at our new digs. I can hardly wait to get all of this transition over with and finally relax! I feel like I haven't actually... unwound in a long time. My current house stresses me out. Having nowhere to work on projects stresses me out. Being right in the middle of camp hubbub stresses me out. Soon, however, those three things will be at least improved, if not resolved. I just want time to simply be and not have to do. Sigh... it's going to be a long summer.

Aaaaand... what would be a "we're getting we have a new house!" claim if I didn't prove it with pictures???

There are a couple of rooms I didn't capture, but that can wait until a later date!

praise God!!

We just got a phone call from the trailer company, and....

Our house is coming today!

There's more of a story behind this answer to prayer, but that must wait until later to be told. I just wanted to share my happiness with you!

wordless wednesday

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PS - there's still time to enter my giveaway! 

thank you, Jesus, for...

the tidy one

As I was making the bed the other day, Judah saw what I was doing and brought me the decorative pillows needed to complete the task - even though they are super-duper fun to flop on when all over the floor. 

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I caught Judah peeking into the garbage can. This is normally a big no-no (garbage ewwww!), so I was about to reprimand him when I realized he was actually throwing out a piece of garbage. I've seen him do this on several other occasions since, although I always check to make sure what he's throwing out is actually throw-out-able. ;)

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He accidentally dumped cheerios out of his little snack cup this afternoon. Instead of leaving them on the floor or eating them up, he said "uh oh!" and began picking them up by little fist fulls and dropping them through the hole of the cup's lid. We both were down on hands and knees, cleaning up the messies. 

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After ridding the diaper bag of it's contents one day, I noticed that Judah had an article that I knew to be all germ-y and gross. I took it from him, grabbed a wipe, and cleaned it off. When I gave the item back to him, he immediately grabbed another wipe and mimicked the act of cleaning it. 

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If this kid keeps it up, I'm going to do just fine at housekeeping when this new baby comes along! 

about pregnancy 'n things

I'm tired. 

Nutmeg's kicks are feeling a lot less cute these days. I don't remember Judah kicking this much... or this hard. They are literally brace-yourself-and-hold-your-breath bad. It scares me to think that there are still five and a half more weeks left until his/her due date. Ima gonna be bruised from the inside by then - and baby's going to be so squished!

I'm also tired from the onset of a sudden sinus cold. I'll spare you the details. It's just tiresome and I feel like my head is in a complete fog at all times. It actually feels like I'm on some heavy painkillers (except without the pain-killing part) - I just feel kind of... numb... and out of it. 

I had a little taste of back labour today. My body's been doing a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions to practice for labour ever since week 20 or so, but this one was different. I felt my abdomen tightening, as usual, but then was struck with writhing-inducing pain in my back. I curled up on the bed and practiced breathing techniques (which are fab, by the way) and contemplated whether or not I should note the time of the contraction.  I've definitely felt contractions in my back before, but this was kind of intense. I started wondering if I had slipped a disk or something. Anywho, it passed quickly. I am grateful - and kind of determined to do everything I can to flip this posterior baby.

Everything is ready for our house to be delivered to its permanent site. I expect to be moving in a week's time! That being said, I'm going to have to try very hard not to overwork myself. There are a few friends that we're definitely planning on enlisting to help us out. But, yes! Things! They are happening have happened!

I leave you with my little monkey who INSISTED on climbing up onto our bed to eat his cheese. Such a toddler.

the impossibility of painting one's toenails while a) 34 weeks pregnant and b) a toddler runs amuck

the 34 week belly

So, I'm obviously not the weekly pregnancy photo type. I've kind of been wondering what I look like lately, so I had Joey snap a picture last night. Seriously, when I want to see myself I have to haul a footstool into the bathroom just to see my belly. We don't have a full-length mirror - our last one fell apart within a week. (Stupid Silly Walmart.) 

Look! Baby Nutmeg is 34 weeks old!

PS - you should enter my giveaway if you haven't yet! I love hearing your guesses - but, please, keep the middle-of-the-night birth times down to a minimum! Ha ha. ;)

dirt and big machines

Things are actually happening at our house site. Several loads of dark earth were unloaded there the night before last, and yesterday the Big Boys moved in.

It's outrageous how much dirt has to be displaced to dig everything into the ground. I'm trying not to think too much about what our yard will look like after it's all said and done.

Look! Pipes 'n things. (I know nothing. I smile and nod and snap pictures, ok?)

It takes many watchers to get the job done. ;)

Oh, and they all must drive trucks. It's prerequisite. (There were six there at the time.)

Don't be fooled: those trenches are deeper than you think! They almost echo. Or not.

A close-up of the Big Boy in action. I am admittedly afraid of big, noisy, swivelling machines.

Today it looked like almost nothing had happened. What a lot of work!

I'm so grateful for all of the hard work these men have put in! By their labours, this view will soon be ours. Hooray!

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Oh, and have you entered my giveaway yet?

my very first giveaway!

I know, I know... I used to loathe the idea of giveaways on my blog. I think it was because I knew I'd only do it to entice new people to follow me. This giveaway, however, is not meant to boost followings in any way. It's a little celebration for baby Nutmeg!

Everyone that reads this blog knows that we're expecting a little one somewhere around July 20th. Anyone who knows babies at all knows that a "due date" is kind of a mythological creature that rarely proves true. 

So here is what I propose:

You, readers, comment on this post with 

1. your name (if commenting anonymously) 
2. the date you think this baby will be born
3. the time of day (down to the exact minute) you think it will happen.

Whoever ends up being the closest to Nutmeg's actual birth date and time will win one of these:

...a sock monkey that I will hand-make for you. I do not promise it will look like this, however. This sock monkey belongs to Judah and he is one-of-a-kind. But, rest assured, your sock monkey will be just as cute and unique. :)  The winner will be announced on this blog shortly after the event takes place. If there's a tie, I suppose I'll be making two!

Given the facts that I'll have no place to sew until we move into our new house AND that I'll have a new baby pretty soon, I'm not giving myself any time restrictions on this one. But I PROMISE that I will get the monkey made and mailed as soon as I possibly can! 

ANYONE and EVERYONE can enter. So, start guessing!

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THE GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED. 

things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass

Nutmeg is due in six weeks. And full term in three.

My husband has shaved his facial hair into what is known as a monkey tail beard. Google it. And be afraid.

The septic field for our new house will be dug tomorrow. I'm hoping to be moving in a week!

I finally "nested" and cleaned my house. Sort of.

I had to apologize to my cat today after wrongfully accusing her of scratching Judah across the forehead. It was actually a scrape.

I gained nearly half of my total pregnancy weight in the two weeks between my last midwife appointments. I am now being a good girl.

The Cuteness has totally adjusted to his new sleep schedule, although he is much crazier than he was before the switch.

Crazy as in totally adorable, of course.

All of our movies, books, and wii games are packed. This was done with the hope that we'd be too busy to need such things. We may or may not have opened up one of the boxes the other night...

I plan on giving away a very special homemade SOCK MONKEY on this blog in the very near future, but there will be a separate post for that.

My husband and I are sitting next to each other, totally absorbed in the interwebs on our own laptops. This must end NOW.

Good night!

a trip to the ZOO

We decided that the Cuteness simply needed to experience the zoo for the first time yesterday. Joey took the day off and we headed into the city for the big excursion. After meeting up with Judah's cousin Lucy and her mama, we set off on our adventure. We saw:

majestic eagles

 big, lazy cats

 what looked like dead camels (but totally weren't)

 zebras and zebra babies

 funny feather-headed birds

 bouncy kangaroos

bright flamingos

 the things that always seem to be eaten by anacondas on TV

silly pelicans

...and much, much more (including crazy monkeys, of course)! It was such a beautiful day to enjoy the outdoors. Judah didn't say much throughout the whole excursion, but you could tell he was soaking it all in. I think next year's zoo visit will be a whole different class of exciting!

summer sunshine

sleep, little one

We tried a new thing today. For what seems like forever, the Cuteness has been having two naps a day. When he was really itty bitty and brand new (like in the above picture - I think he was about 5 days old there), nap times were kind of a hit and miss, do-whatever-works type of thing. Then, somewhere along the road, Annemarie (who I seem to mention often on this blog) lent me a book on sleep patterns and training for babies. It suggested using a 2-3-4 nap schedule. This is how it goes:

• Two hours after your baby gets up for the day (let's assume that's generally around 7:00 AM), put him down for his first nap - which would be 9:00. Do it even if he doesn't seem tired. More often than not, babies need sleep before they seem like they need it.
• Three hours after this nap ends, put him down for his second nap. Let's say he naps until 10:30. That would make the next nap time 1:30. 
• Four hours after this nap, put him down for the night. When Judah was on this schedule, he would often sleep from 1:30 to 3:00, which made for a perfect 7:00 bed time. 

Once I had established Judah's average wake-up time and nap length,  I made 9:30 & 1:30 his routine nap times and consistently put him to bed at 7:00, even if it did not perfectly match the 2-3-4 schedule. He's been following this schedule for at least 10 months.

Until a few days ago, that is. It had gotten to the point that I smugly thought, My baby will always nap two times a day. He just needs his sleep that much. And then began the excessively long periods of "falling asleep". We're talking (at most) two hours. He'd never get angry. He would just happily roll around in his crib while amusing himself by: kicking the wall, escaping his clothes (and occasionally his diapers), befriending Bannister the Bunny, and talking nonsense. Adorable nonsense, that is. Then he would fall asleep. It was the same for bedtime, which has never been an issue to establish prior to this.

He was still having two naps a day and we were still putting him to bed at 7:00, but the amount of time he was spending in his crib (albeit happily) was a bit outrageous. The kid's gotta have time to be a kid, right?!

Enter the death of a nap. With a bit of a mournful heart, we kept Judah up until 1:00 today (which was surprisingly easy to do). For the first time in a week, he went to sleep immediately after I had closed the door. It wasn't a very long nap, but I'm fairly certain it was of as much use as the dawdling, drawn-out ones he's been having this week. Then, when bedtime came, he again went to sleep without so much as a peep. At 7:00! 

Victory! 

Now I'm the one that will need time to adjust to this whole one-nap-a-day thing. For me that means I have less time to do stuff. I'm going to have to decide whether napping or housework is more necessary. 

*blinks*

I will most definitely be napping.

on fear and faith

I have had an on and off phobia of storms (and, specifically, tornadoes) for the last eight years - ever since I was camping through a terrible storm when I was 14. For most of my high school years I would turn into an inconsolable puddle of fright hiding in the basement whenever I read the words "severe thunderstorm watch/warning" on my computer monitor. Then some things happened that made me face my fears - and trust in God. My family moved to a mobile home that had no basement. I could no longer trust in physical structures for my safety. Then I began working at a Bible camp for entire summers at a time. When you have eight or so little girls to look after in a tent/shed hybrid of a cabin, debilitating fear is not an option. Strong reliance upon God became the necessity. The fear I felt has never really abated in strength - it's just been countered by faith in God's sovereignty.

Now, as a new (and expectant) mother, I feel these fears rising to their old levels. I fear for my son. I fear for the squiggly (and pointy, might I add) baby inside my womb. I fear what the fear coursing through my body does to the tiny little human I'm housing. And I fear the future with the knowledge that, once again, we'll be living in a mobile home with no basement. Of course, statements such as "the most tornado-related deaths happen in mobile homes" don't do anything to help the situation. 

That's why yesterday was so tough. There were many severe thunderstorm warnings to be had around these parts, and I also had the task of driving to a nearby city when I knew bigger-than-golfball-sized-hail had already materialized along the road. Thankfully the storm had passed over by the time I got going, and there was really no reason to fear. Even so, I felt like my ability to cope with my fear had already been spent for the day, thank you. 

And then another warning came. I didn't need the computer to tell me that this time - I could see black clouds approaching (which, at camp, means that the storm is practically upon us) and could feel the sudden spike in temperature and humidity. Uh oh. The fear began rising before I could even assess the situation. 

Nothing much happened last night, really. The ominous clouds set a quiet and eerie tone over the whole countryside, as if every living thing was holding it's breath. Then the light show started. Every second brought at least one or two flashes of lightning that snaked across the heavens like an intricate network of veins. It was so bright, in fact, that I struggled to keep my eyes in focus. There was no reprieve. Among all of this, not a rumble of thunder could be heard. It was a silent display of power. The clouds, with bellies full of rain (the lightning often lit them up from behind), resolutely refused to unleash the downpour that the land was waiting for. Still, it seemed as though fear was gripping everything else as it was gripping me. I was prepared to take cover in our crawl space at a moment's notice, should the need arise. It never did. 

During all of this I found myself constantly giving over my anxieties to Christ. I held on to Philippians  4:6-7, which states "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". I grasped this command and promise in both hands, simultaneously pouring out all my fears to the Lord while feeling His calming presence surround me. When I would stop voicing my concerns to Him, I would quickly feel the fear jump back to it's usurped place in my heart. At one point I desperately questioned God as to why He couldn't just take away the fear for good, but then I realized ridding me completely of fear would leave no need for faith. And so I watched the skies, in awe of God's mighty power over creation and trusting mightily in His sovereignty over all things.

Oh, friends, we have a mighty God who gives good gifts to His children, but we so often refuse to bow our knees before His throne of grace to ask for what we need. Sometimes we do go to Him, but we think one moment of petition should be enough to last for a given amount of time. God's grace isn't like that - it's not poured out in little bits and then used up when a task is done. I believe we need to be in constant prayer for it and depend upon Him to supply every single drop to sustain us. God is not a placebo drug. He is the absolute IV of life. 

The sun is brilliant today. I can hear birds chirping and the countryside is greener than ever before. Our God is bigger, our God is stronger. God, you are higher than any other. Our God is healer. He's awesome in power. Our God...

bedtime stories

Judah kind of made me break into tears last night. He is no longer my little baby and I'm struggling to come to terms with that fact. 

Up until now, bedtime has been this extremely parent-initiated thing: we take him from whatever he's doing, we set the bedtime tone, we put him down to sleep. A couple of nights ago I asked Judah if he wanted to go "na-night", and he obviously stopped to think about it, cocking his head slightly to the side as he did so. Then, without any further hesitation, he ran into the bedroom and grabbed the crib rails, trying to hoist himself in. After I had placed him in there, prayed, and tucked him in with his bunny (who is named Bannister), he chose to go directly to sleep. I didn't hear a single peep out of him.

I decided to try asking him the question again last night - Joey wasn't around to witness the first one. "Judah, do you want to go na-night?" He immediately ran to Daddy, puckered his lips, and said "Mmmmmmm", waiting for his obligatory good-night kiss. After doing this to both Joey and myself, he ran into his room. This time he waited under the window and pointed at it as if to say "That needs to be closed before we can proceed". Joey scooped him up, closed the blind, and put him to bed. 

Oh my goodness, friends, my boy is growing up. My heart is ever so full. I'm beginning to realize that he's ready to have a little sibling - and I'm ready to dote on a little baby once more. He's moved on from solely depending on me to learning about the world on his own, making his own conclusions. 

I love being a mother so very, very much. 

things I love

Thanks to one of my sisters-in-law, I've been introduced to (and officially hooked on ) Pinterest. It's like Google search for things that are actually cool! Here are some things that have made me happy as of late.

Can you even fathom how awesome this would be?

I'm so tempted to get this for Joey for father's day, but I don't know where he could wear it without getting (gently) mocked. :)

I'll be looking for an old suitcase to convert into a knitting kit! 

I'm definitely going to be making one of these for my kidlets.

Hee. Hee hee hee. NERD.