Guys, just look at the beauty we're surrounded by!

I didn't even have to photoshop those!  Absolutely stunning.

It's been quite the hectic day for the Cuteness.  He got his first round of shots today, and that makes for a very sad, snuggly baby.  I love this little guy so much.  I thought I knew a lot about love before, but I now know that my capacity to love has grown and is filled to overflowing.

{Judah demonstrates his tummy skills.  See? He can hold up his head AND his hand at the same time!}

We had our very first family camping experience last weekend.  CSSM Corporate training was held at Dauphin Bible Camp this year.  Joey, bebe and I were given a very nice tent trailer to call our own while we were there.  (By the way, we're totally hooked on tent trailers now.  We figure we could fit five kids in the one we stayed in. Tee hee.)  Baby had a really good time, although he got a teensy bit over-stimulated by the end of it.  I would definitely do it again, but preferably in the early fall.  Here are some pictures of our getaway!

{Stupid Silly mosquitoes.  Baby had to be wrapped up all weekend.}

{Enjoying the outdoors AND tummy time!}

hebrews twelve

My heart is breaking.  Breaking because I am a miserable sinner, and I am covered by the blood of Christ.  That I can call God my Father is completely of Christ's merit, not my own.  I am terrified because I know the difference between being obedient to Christ and "politically correct", and that God has called me to the former.  I'm no longer on the verge of fanaticism--I'm swimming in it.

What has happened to the prophets of old?  Where are the Elijahs, the Isaiahs, the Jeremiahs, the Hoseas?  Does God call people to be prophets today?  These witnesses surround me, and I need to throw off the weight of sin, the net of self-righteousness, and the snare of pride.  I need to continue on this road that I started down so long ago and endure.  God has not gotten smaller as I have gotten bigger, as everything else in my world has.  On the contrary, every lesson I learn only reveals the even greater complexities of God.

I am shaky, weak, and wandering.  Oh, Jesus, I see You standing on the water, mastering the waves, and I recall all that you have suffered for the sake of a Holy God.  Such bitterness you have endured!  Such slander!  And yet your sacrifice still holds true, and You have been faithful to the end.  You are faithful for all eternity.  How then have I lost heart, with You as my goal and my crown?

I'm no longer on the verge of fanaticism--I'm swimming in it.

And I'm thankful.



---------------------------------------------


O God, 
show me more of Your holiness.
Show me more of my sinfulness.
Help me to hate sin and to love righteousness as You do.
Grant me a deeper conviction of sin
and a more thorough spirit of repentance. 
And make me holy as You are holy.

we are on the verge of becoming fanatics

because if we don’t jealously guard our home as a place where God is LORD and Master, then Judah will learn that, in some areas, God just isn’t the most important thing.  As of now, I don’t think I look that much different from the world, and that is not how it’s supposed to be. 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.  By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.  For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.  For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.  For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot.  Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you.  Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.  But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.  If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

Romans 8:1-11, emphasis added.

I want to be a fanatic for my God.  I want to look different from the world.  I can’t be at home in this world, enjoying it’s wares, and be a friend of God.  And if I’m straying from the Good Shepherd, then I’ll lead my children away from Him. 

He will hold me accountable—that I know without a doubt.

the prodigal

you held out your arms, I walked away
insolent, I spurned your face
squandering the gifts you gave to me
holding close forbidden things
destitute, a rebel still, a fool in all my pride
the world I once enjoyed is death to me
no joy, no hope, no life

where now are the friends that I had bought
gone with every penny lost
what hope could there be for such as I
sold out to a world of lies
oh to see your face again, it seems so distant now
could it be that you would take me back
a servant in your house

you held out your arms, I see them still
you never left, you never will
running to embrace me, now I know
your cords of love will always hold
mercy’s robe, a ring of grace, such favour undeserved
you sing over me and celebrate
the rebel now your child

by meghan & ryan baird

out with the old

Sometimes I can become a little obsessed about things - particularly artsy things.  You can imagine, then, what could possibly follow when I made one of these for the first time:

I know. Instant addiction, right there. Flashbacks of my childhood and what it could have been had I known how to make origami cranes.  Having this new-found love for all things paper and foldy, I wasted no time in trying to buy some beautiful formerly-a-tree goods to get a kick-start on this new hobby.  That's when I saw it. IT:

and I decided I could not possibly live without it.  Being completely unwilling to pay the $100 this little dohickey would cost, I resolved that I would make it if it's the last thing I do.  Supplies were bought, my living room completely transformed into a war zone, and I was far too excited to get folding a bajillion paper cranes.

As you can see, I had to be a little creative in my work space.  It was all worth it in the end, even the freakishly tedious balancing of EVERY SINGLE CRANE.  Ahem.  Behold!

Please note the absolutely awestruck expression on my baby's face.  He is beholding.

And then the Cuteness smiled.  And giggled.  And smiled some more.

THAT was the best thing I could have ever wished for.


P.S. The entire project came to less than $10. 

amazed

I am completely aware of God’s goodness on this day.  The Cuteness had another weigh in, and the results are completely shocking—in a good way, of course.  He has gained 17 ounces in 7 days—about two and a half times what he needs to gain per day.  Guys, this is fantastic news!  If you recall when this whole weight gain fiasco began, you’ll remember that Judah had lost 11 ounces over a period of 4 weeks.  Well, in just one week he has managed to gain an additional ten ounces on top of what he was supposed to gain!  It’s as if this whole hiccup never happened.

I don’t credit this victory to myself at all.  Are you kidding me?  If it weren’t for the grace of God and the prayers of His people, I’d be melted into some obscure puddle somewhere along this long road.  I’m serious.  I have had so many major melt-down, pillow-pounding, “I’m-not-cut-out-for-this” moments that make me feel ashamed and completely unworthy of the blessing of a son.   If anything, I have been reminded (ALWAYS being reminded) that I need the LORD all the more.

Being a mother isn’t exactly what I thought it would be.  Actually, I didn’t think of it much for the very reason that experience has shown me how wonky my expectations always turn out to be.  I knew two things going into this: God wants to use me in the life of a child, and He has put it on my heart to be a wife and a mom.  So far, all I’ve accomplished is establishing that I can’t do it.  Yep, you read that right.  I am a selfish wife and an unloving mother—without the grace of God.  Anything—anything—good that comes out of this life is by Him and for Him.  Because He is good and I am not.

What an enormous calling we parents have—to teach our children God’s holiness and man’s depravity.  It’s sad to think how many people have exchanged God for man and man for God.

prompted by my junior-high-ish desire to be popular

Sometimes I wish my blog was more popular.  I wish I had 100 comments/post and was considered a bloggy-friend by other blogging mamas. You know what I mean? Like, couldn't I possibly, at one time in my life, be somewhat "cool"?  I'm fairly certain that every blogger out there has gone through the same pity-party.  If everyone else can write about there lives and be noticed because of it, then I should, too. 

Yeah, so I might possibly have those kinds of thoughts from time to time. But then I think of all the responsibility I would have if such were the case (great privilege=great obligation).  The public eye would be on me, and I would constantly feel the need to perfect and obsess over my blog ALL THE TIME. I would have to maintain my internet life as if it was as important as the life I live day in, day out.

It just isn't that important to me.

This is how I blog:  I sit on my couch, baby pressed up to my tummy, nursing.  My left hand is pinned beneath cradling him, my right is typing this post.  I write about life, as seen through the eyes of yours truly.  I write mostly because I have family that's missing out on my baby growing up (and also because I simply love to write), and I want to make them feel as involved and informed as I can given the distance that separates us.  Blogging isn't my life.  It's an expression of me, but it's not so special as to give me identity in any way.

I think my desire to be noticed is something that really does not honour God.  HE>i.  Period.  How does shameless self promotion reflect my servitude to my loving Saviour in any way?

Thanks to all of you who read my blog.  I'm glad you stop by every now and then.  I hope that this tiny little corner of cyber space serves as a blessing to you and, most importantly, a sweet aroma to God.

a long day

I've finally discovered the most helpless feeling in the world: having a sick baby and being able to do nothing about it.  The Cuteness is just so small and seems so fragile.  Why, oh why does he have to have such a violent little cough?  I know he's sick--I know it when he can't finish a feeding without falling into a heavy sleep.  I know it when I see that look (and not to mention that cry) of pain and frustration after every coughing fit.  I know it when I hear him sucking through his stuffy little nose.

The sad thing is that the professionals don't think so.  After 2.5 hours in a scary walk-in clinic, we left with nothing but false assurance and a day with 2.5 hours less in it.  The doctor should have been out in the waiting room with us.  Or he could have just interviewed the other people waiting.

I'm not going to go on a rant about our health care system because I know that the doctors are doing the best they can.  I just wish I would be believed when I say, Please, please, my baby is sick.  


Being a mom is tough stuff.

______________
{update}


Joy comes in the morning!  It was a rough night, but we pulled through all right.  Nasal aspirators are wonderful inventions, although the Cuteness may not agree.  Do not fear, my baby is ok.  

an eventful saturday

{the Cuteness and Uncle David}

{the Cuteness and Mommy}

{the Cuteness and a new (to him) toy} 

{not the Cuteness}

reprise

My baby is growing!  At the proper rate!  RELIEF.

I can't describe to you how stressed out I have been lately.  But this?  This is cause to celebrate.  My baby weighs 11 lb 5 oz!

what goes up

I am really, REALLY hoping that baby’s nap is more successful than they have been the last two days.  Babies have to sleep sometime, right? Right?  No naps in two days hasn’t seemed to0 detrimental to the Cuteness, but it’s been rather hard for Mommy.  I never realized how much I treasure those 45-90 minute breaks until now.  I can get so much done in them (i.e. sleep, clean the house, blog, do very useful things).   Wait… is that… no, it can’t be! 

SILENCE.

He’s probably just working on breaking his swaddle or something.  Sigh.

I’m seriously wondering if he’s started teething early.  If I give him my finger, he won’t suck.  He gnaws on it until my finger is raw.  He’s always got his fingers in his mouth these days.  Oh, and he’s drooling like crazy.  And coughing because he’s drooling.  And waking up because he’s coughing.

Nope, it wasn’t silence.  I’m silly for even thinking it possible.

Now I sit here and think, What do I do?  Walking him to sleep doesn’t work, and neither does nursing him to sleep. We’ve made an effort to avoid such vices.   At moments like this, I ask myself, why???  Soothers are yesterday’s news.  Un-swaddling him leads to too much flailing distraction. I AM AT A LOSS.  PHN would tell me to feed him endlessly so that he’s just so comfortable that sleeping is inevitable.  Well, I’ve got news, I’ve tried that (even though it goes against what we’re trying to do with him), and it doesn’t work, like everything else.

Yup, he must be teething.

Patience.  Lord, I need patience.  I know that this will pass.  I know this is normal for babies.  I know that a bajillion mothers have done this before me.  It’s not my baby’s fault.  I just need more patience.  Heaps more.  BARRELS more.

It’s been rough for me lately.  I was venting my frustrations, struggles, and failures to my mom the other day, and she said something very profound.  Well, at least it’s profound to me. 

Andrea, you can’t be a perfectionist in parenting. 


If you were a perfectionist, you’d know how utterly flabbergasting this is.  It’s nigh impossible.

THAT is why I need the Lord’s strength and wisdom so desperately.  If I don’t trust Him, I’m going to keep attempting to do everything in my own strength, and I’m going to fail as many times as I try.  Yet I’ll keep trying.  What a horrible cycle!  I need to trust in the Lord to break it. 

I suppose there isn’t really too much substance to this post.  BUT, the moral of the story is that ANDREA SAWATZKY IS NOT PERFECT, but the LORD God is.


That, my friends, is reassuring.

to my three-month-old

Dear Baby,

It’s so hard to believe that merely three months ago you came into this world.  All of a sudden this little being that I had gotten to know inside of me over nine months was here for all to see.  I traded our special relationship for one of a completely different sort.  I now get to know you—your personality, your likes and dislikes, and your fears.  I get to be your mommy.

On that day you became known as Judah Adriel, a name that means, “praise the LORD, He is salvation.” Oh, how I love your name.  Not a day has gone by without me thanking God for you.  He gave you to me to teach me ever so much more about His character.  You are a picture of God’s grace to me, little one.

Being a new parent is terrifying and extremely hard—not because you make it so, but because of me.  I am terrified of leading you in the wrong direction, terrified of my imperfect example.  It’s hard because I am hopelessly flawed.  I am incapable of showing you the love you so desperately need. 

So, Baby, I point you to Christ.  I depend on His strength and His love to provide all of your needs.  He is really the one fathering you, not your daddy and mommy.  Run to Him, Baby.  He will never fail.

I love you so much, Baby.

Love,
Mommy

as my baby whines unceasingly

Things have calmed down around here over the last few days.  Now that we know that Judah is finally starting to thrive, we (I) have been able to breathe easier and simply focus on caring for his needs.   It's been going so well, in fact, that nap times are actually becoming a reality (it was pretty touch 'n go there for a while).

What have we been up to? Besides enjoying a super-cool Bumbo seat,

we've been trying to take advantage of as much nice weather as possible - which hasn't been much lately.  Nevertheless, it has been enough to warrant a bit of picture taking.

{LOVE babies in hoods!}

{a couple of camp's MANY Norwegian Fjords}

I just love spring, don't you?