Somehow, it seems like I missed out on the entire season of Autumn last year. I suppose it's understandable, what with a move and a baby in the making. It's really tragic, though, because fall is my favourite season. No matter how cold, miserable, and spindly that time of year may get, it is always outweighed by those golden days with a warm sun and a crisp, cool breeze.  

Today was one of those days (and I know, it's not "technically" fall yet). 

 

brother dear

I am so glad that these boys love each other. It isn't easy to do, but when they do it, they do it well.

I'm excited to see how a little girlie figures into this mix.

the valley of vision

If I look back to those blurry days that began my crash-course into motherhood, I remember a lot of fear, excitement, confusion, sadness, and joy. It's such a crazy mix of emotions, this whole rearing children business. I remember days when I would be holding my screaming baby, sobbing out "why won't you sleep? What am I supposed to do? I don't know anything!" I remember phoning my husband at 10:00 at night, calling him away from his camp director duties because I couldn't do it anymore. I would throw myself on my bed and stare at the ceiling as tears burned my eyes and wonder what we were thinking when we decided to have a baby. Two babies. Three babies. It was hard, so so hard, to fight the thoughts screaming "You are inadequate! You are irresponsible! You are foolish!" and rest in the faith I have in Christ my Lord to bring me through, one day at a time. 

But yet, as the days have flown by and my children have grown up, I've realized something: the harder it's been, the more rich the blessings have become, the more I see my need for God's grace. Sometimes the valley is deep and dark. Sometimes the air is thick and nothing seems to make sense. Sometimes you forget what the sun even felt like. 

But then. 

Then God leads you out, and you are greeted by the friendly sun, the sweet air, the magnificent view. You can breathe again. God gives you the perspective that evaded you in the valley. You commune with him, and your heart is full. His grace is astounding and you love Him all the more. You go back into that valley, full of fresh hope and sweet gratitude for the One who is imminently involved in every aspect of your life. Your perspective is back on the One who died to reconcile you to God, who leads you through green pastures, still waters, and even the valley of death. 

And even though the valley will get just as suffocating and terrifying as it was before - perhaps more; you know He'll lead you out again.

In a hole in a ground, there lived a hobbit.

This is an EXTREMELY HAPPY post to tell you that...

...we bought our first house! Our very own home!

Things just became "official" today, but that doesn't mean that I haven't already picked out paint colours, started sorting through closets, made a huge donation pile, and found the flooring I want in our basement. Do you think I'm excited? Just a little?!?

Let me tell you about this little bungalow. It is a 1940's home that has been completely redone inside by a contractor in his spare time. He stripped it down right to the studs and even redid the wiring and the ductwork. The basement is already drywalled and prepped for paint, and all we have to do is put up a wall to make another bedroom, put in flooring, and assemble the shower. We are also planning on repainting the entire house to give it a more open feel. It's pretty dark in there at the present, with greyish-green walls (not my favourite). The house itself isn't terribly big, but it's bigger than what we are living in (comfortably) right now. The kitchen is new, but has not been installed yet. Thankfully, we have some friends that are willing to lend a hand with that.

We are SO excited to set off on our own and make this place ours! 

Here are my paint colour choices as of five minutes ago (it changes almost hourly, ha):

As you can see, I favour blues and greys. "Palladian blue" will cover our main floor living area -  I think it will look amazeballs with our dark-ish hardwood floor. Lydia's room will be that wonderful "spring mint" colour, with plenty of coral-ish pink accents to make it look extremely feminine. Judah and Ben's room (yes, they will be sharing) will have at least one wall of that "ash blue". The "gray owl" will mostly be for the basement, and it may also migrate up into our room as well. We'll see! "Winter chill" is for the bathrooms, and "black pepper" does not have a home as of yet, but I'm determined to put it somewhere.

There are other things that we have to consider, like where to put shoes and coats since there isn't a closet in the entry way. We're thinking a row of hooks and this bad boy will have that space covered.

This is a hugely exciting time in our lives! Thanks to my parents' generosity, we have finally been able to get our feet under ourselves and figure out where we're going in this life of ours. God has given us a complete peace about putting down roots in this quirky little city-town.


*UPDATE: "Winter chill" is actually supposed to be "winter ice". My bad!

preschool

Well, the day finally came. I dressed my big boy up in his finest school clothes, wrote his name on all of his things, packed his backpack with a change of clothes, a snack, and a water bottle, and dropped him off at preschool. 

Funny, I don't feel sentimental or weepy about this at all. I'm just excited for him to learn new things and make new friends. I'm excited to have a chance to go grocery shopping with just two kids during the day, and I'm excited to get some alone time with my Benji boy. 

Joey and I are probably going to work together to homeschool our children when they reach kindergarten age, but at this point in our lives we decided that this would be a very good course of action to take. I'm still taking care of a very needy baby, and I realize the need Ben has to learn from an adult at times, not just his big brother.

If I didn't know it before, I do now: my children are growing up. It's strange, them growing up feels an awful lot like me growing up. I wonder if it will ever quit?

three months

Can it really be three months ago that I first laid eyes on you, my sweet little Lydia? Is it true that you are no longer a newborn?

Sometimes I sneak into your room while you sleep, just to watch you taking those tiny little breaths. It is impossible not to get teary-eyed when I realize how quickly you are becoming a little girl. You've stopped sleeping 20+ hours a day and have nearly adopted a 2-3-4 sleep schedule - just like your brothers. You are also sleeping through the night from 7:00 PM to 5:30 AM. When you wake up, you are the happiest little muffin I've ever seen.

Your smiles are abundant and beautiful, and bestowed on almost anyone who will stop and give you undivided attention. If someone takes the time to talk to you, you will most assuredly start talking back. It is clear you are already well on your way to running circles around your male counterparts when it comes to language.

Your hands have become very interesting, useful, and tasty as of late. You are on a quest to find The Best Finger for Sucking. I think this may end up with the thumb, but I'm trying not to encourage it. You absolutely refuse to suck a soother, and I am so glad that you don't need it to fall asleep or stay sleeping.  As for putting other things in your mouth, anything is fair game, although I'm pretty sure you prefer to suck on blankets and things that crinkle. Other things that your are not expecting will make you gag, and often throw up. This has made it difficult to give you the syringe-style vitamin D supplements without issuing a geyser. Thankfully, there are other forms of those that you are ok with.

Right now you are pretty easy to take care of: you don't roll or crawl, you are content to sit and watch the action around you, you don't need solid food, you aren't teething, and you sleep amazingly. You are entering my favourite baby age, and I feel like every day with you just gets better and better. Your brothers adore you, and you them, although I think you have a soft spot for Judah. Your daddy is so proud to be the father of such a wonderful little baby girl.

It's been a wonderful three months, little one, and we are so thankful for you.