Dear Baby,

You’ve been inside me for 41 weeks.  That’s 287 days.  I would think you should be getting bored by now.  Don’t you want to come out and meet your silly parents?  There’s a lot to entertain out here, I promise.  If you could just kindly send some little hormonal signals my way, I’d be grateful. 

Love, Mommy

it’s not me

I’m feeling the need to blog today…

Here I am, still with child, still getting 8 hours of sleep each night.  Baby is five whole days overdue.  I’m getting really impatient, and I’m kind of loathe to admit that fact.  I wish I was perfectly content, resting in God’s provision, not worrying one bit about my unborn child.

But I’m not.

Why is it that I find it so easy to drive myself crazy?  God has promised that He will bring perfect peace if I simply present all my anxieties to Him (Phil 4:4-7).  That is, quite possibly, the most amazing and flabbergasting promise in a world that is the antithesis of peace.  Yet why do I gravitate towards needless anxiety? James would call me “double-minded” (Jas 1:5-8).  I can’t decide whether or not I truly believe that God is good—at least, that’s what my doubt says. 

Hmmm… could it be that my own flesh opposes any mention of God’s goodness? 

Your flesh hates God all the more because He IS good.

Could it be that I am, by nature, completely and entirely rebellious towards my loving Creator?

Instead of worshipping the Creator, you worship the created.

Could it be that every thought of mine is only evil continually?

There has never been a thought in your head that was not tainted by sin.

It’s true.  All of it. I am the worst of sinners.  I have disobeyed every command that the LORD God Almighty has given.  I have mocked Christ on the cross.  I possess in myself no good thing, no capability to love as Christ loved, and absolutely no accomplishments worthy of praise. 

And yet I will bow before my Father in Heaven, worshipping Him for eternity.

What? How can that be possible?  How can a feeble sinner like you ever even entertain the idea of “making it to” heaven?  You don’t even have any good deeds to brag about.  None.  What makes you think that God will EVER accept you?

Because I go on the merit of another.

Jesus Christ, the Lamb without blemish, shed His pure, perfect, undefiled blood for my sins. God looks at me, and instead of seeing the stinking, rotting, stained sinner that I am, He sees the blood of His Son.  His SON.  He drank the cup of God’s wrath on the cross.  He declared that IT IS FINISHED. 

I am not worthy.

Dear, dear LORD, give me the grace to trust in You.  Give me the grace to come before you in prayer and present all my anxieties to you.  Give me the grace to live life by the Spirit, and not by the flesh (Rom 8).  Take my anxieties and replace them with peace from You.

Amen.

Overdue is such a negative term…

…like my baby is curdling in there, or something bad like that.  You know, there should actually be 41 week pregnancies.  I think a lot more babies would be born closer to the EDD (estimated dates of delivery).  No matter.  Baby will come when baby is ready to come. 

Funny comment of the day: “So, you’re still with us!”  Hmm, yes.  Yes I am.  I don’t plan on dying anytime soon!  Hee hee.  Oh, and apparently there was a rumor that baby came yesterday.  I don’t know how I would have missed that fact.  People are so anxious for us… I think I’ll take a break from anxiety and let everyone else cover for me.  Sound good?

Natural induction attempt #1: Balsamic vinaigrette.  Apparently it worked for my cuz.  It didn’t sound too far out in left field, so Joey and I thought it was worth a try.  I made the mistake of letting my extremely excited, extremely impatient husband dress my salad with it.  There was a lake of dressing on my plate at the end of the meal, and it kind of burned my throat to eat all of my salad.  If this doesn’t work, then… well, it doesn’t work.  Tomorrow’s attempt: fresh pineapple.  Wish me luck, people!

happy due date to me!

Because some of you who read this blog are curiously wondering, “just how big IS she?”, I have included a photo. Right now I feel like a whale, but I’m sure I’ll be grateful to have said photo later on in life. I’m just DONE being pregnant. End of story!

I can hardly believe that today is February 20th—the day I’ve been anticipating for nine months! I remember how jittery I felt flipping through the calendar, month by month, thinking to myself, “In eight months I’m going to be a… be… a… mother?”

It still sounds strange. I don’t feel like I’m going to be a mom. I think that’s one of the things you kind of, well, grow into. I think most women would have a heart attack, or aneurism, or nervous break down, if they started with anything other than a entirely chubby, entirely dependant, and entirely immobile infant. You grow with your children, right?

Despite all my pre-motherhood apprehensions, this baby is going to come into the world sometime within the next two weeks. Am I prepared? I’ve got all of baby’s things set up, washed, and in order, if that counts as being “prepared”. In every other sense of the word, I don’t think I am. What I am prepared to do is trust completely in the LORD God for everything I will need, whether that be physical strength, material things, or mental stability. It is HE who is the Creator and Sustainer of all. That’s enough for me.

If “it” should happen and I am unable to update neither facebook or blog before we head off to the Brandon hospital, you can catch the action following me, arsawat, at twitter dot com. We hope to post updates via cell phone—assuming this whole labour thing doesn’t go ridiculously quick. That, however, would be terribly uncommon, but not unwelcome!

voices!

My brain says, “Clean the house!  Wash the floors!  Fold that laundry! Organize the pantry!”

My body says, “Today, there’s a slight chance of nausea, with a high of minimal heartburn and a low of awkward pains.” 

My baby says, “I’ll come out when I want to.  Na na na na BOO BOO!”

My husband says, “I’ll do the dishes before work JUST IN CASE something happens.  Don’t worry about supper, honey, I’ve got it covered.”

I say, “Germs make you stronger.  

Curse you, weatherman. 

You just wait till your father gets home, missie/mister. 

Are you for reals?!?”

Sob. I’m tired. 
Can you tell?

6 days left? Or is that three weeks?

Exciting things are NOT happening, just so all of you anxious readers know.  Yes, I am still with child, and NO, I DO KNOW KNOW WHEN THIS BABY IS COMING.  Someone asked me that in church today, and, being in a slightly impatient mood, I said, “in six days”, to which the lady replied by laughing and giving me the “yeah, like you know that for sure” look.  Silly questions require silly answers.  One kind lady came up to me and warned me that she was going to ask me “that dumb question that everyone asks”, which I answered more joyfully than usual.  Yes, as you can see, I am still pregnant.  Or, as this lady put it, “No, this is a beach ball.  The baby’s out in the car.” 

On the flip side, there have been a few more signs that labour is impending (really?), such as a sudden drop in my energy levels (this is called ANTI-nesting—which is just as common as the urge to nest before labour), and a slight decrease in baby’s movements.  Either of these things could be explained away… But I would just like to believe that the baby is coming soon, okay?  Let me enjoy my little delusion, people!

Happy things: I spent a whole day playing with my little niece, Lucy, and her mommy!  AND the Olympics are on! 

could this be The Week?

Baby has engaged in the pelvis!  I was pretty sure it had, considering the increased amount of achy pain I’ve been experiencing, the increased frequency of urination, and the lessened pressure on my lungs.  You never know, though—I thought it had dropped two weeks ago.  But, alas, Kari felt for the baby down there, and said she was grabbing shoulders, not a head.  The chances of that head popping back out are pretty slim.  So, yes, I am one step closer to giving birth to this baby!  Never mind that rolling over in the night is possibly the most painful thing I’ve ever felt.  I’m going to have a baby!

My dreams were pretty strange last night.  I gave birth to a large cat, for one thing—but that was just the precursor to the baby, apparently.  I couldn’t find where my baby was being kept, and I was pretty irate about it.  My midwife informed me that the only way the hospital would let me give birth there was if my hair was down and bone straight.  Yup, my brain is over stimulated.

So, the countdown is on!  There are only 9 days left until the due date!  I hope the baby comes on a different day, though, because the 20th is a Saturday, and that would probably be the most inconvenient day for my parents to organize everything to come, seeing as my dad is a pastor and he would have to preach the next day.  But, the number one rule of babies is that there are no rules, right? 

wooly baby bootys

This was yesterday's project. I'm so anxious to meet my little baby...!!!

…and the day draws nigh…

Hello, readers! Today is a momentous day—because I say so.  No, seriously, I am 38 weeks pregnant!  No, it’s not my due date, but it feels rather significant.  My mom had me at 38 weeks, and somehow the reality that I’m going to become a mother very soon seems much more, well, real.  I FEEL like the baby could come any day—and by that I mean that there’s a lot of uncomfortable movement and pressure Down There, the Braxton Hicks contractions actually wrap around my lower back (and are painful), and, well, I’m just DONE being pregnant.

So many “unknowns” circle around in my very over stimulated brain. It makes it hard to relax, hard to focus on the task at hand, and hard to sleep.  What will his hair colour be?  Will he inherit Joey’s metabolism?  Will she be a happy baby?  Should I start a large footwear fund already?  How big is he?  What does she look like???

I’ve never been so impatient in my life.  It’s hard to keep from getting anxious—anxious as in not trusting God.  But here are the facts that give me hope: God is the one overseeing this little baby’s growth and development—NOT ME.  Baby will come when it needs to come.  And, I’m in very, very capable hands! 

The most exciting thing about this whole process is that I am not the only one involved here.  Joey and I get to share this wonderful experience together!  It’s been a major eye-opener and marriage strengthener.  Finally, after 9 + months carrying our little one around, I will get the amazing honour of seeing my husband hold our baby for the first time.  I can’t wait!

Happy Saturday!  Enjoy the break, honour God!