the valley of vision

If I look back to those blurry days that began my crash-course into motherhood, I remember a lot of fear, excitement, confusion, sadness, and joy. It's such a crazy mix of emotions, this whole rearing children business. I remember days when I would be holding my screaming baby, sobbing out "why won't you sleep? What am I supposed to do? I don't know anything!" I remember phoning my husband at 10:00 at night, calling him away from his camp director duties because I couldn't do it anymore. I would throw myself on my bed and stare at the ceiling as tears burned my eyes and wonder what we were thinking when we decided to have a baby. Two babies. Three babies. It was hard, so so hard, to fight the thoughts screaming "You are inadequate! You are irresponsible! You are foolish!" and rest in the faith I have in Christ my Lord to bring me through, one day at a time. 

But yet, as the days have flown by and my children have grown up, I've realized something: the harder it's been, the more rich the blessings have become, the more I see my need for God's grace. Sometimes the valley is deep and dark. Sometimes the air is thick and nothing seems to make sense. Sometimes you forget what the sun even felt like. 

But then. 

Then God leads you out, and you are greeted by the friendly sun, the sweet air, the magnificent view. You can breathe again. God gives you the perspective that evaded you in the valley. You commune with him, and your heart is full. His grace is astounding and you love Him all the more. You go back into that valley, full of fresh hope and sweet gratitude for the One who is imminently involved in every aspect of your life. Your perspective is back on the One who died to reconcile you to God, who leads you through green pastures, still waters, and even the valley of death. 

And even though the valley will get just as suffocating and terrifying as it was before - perhaps more; you know He'll lead you out again.