eternally thankful for the great High Priest

I have sat down in front of my computer what feels like hundreds of times, intent on writing something that will be of lasting value, something that doesn't add to the cacophony of voices already swarming the internets.

Each time I end up staring at a blinding white page, realizing that I am neither eloquent or witty enough to make a name for myself. 

And, really, do I want that? Do I want people to look at me or my various social media accounts and think "now, there's a woman that's got it all together"? 

I can answer with an emphatic "NO" almost as soon as the thought enters my head. You my wonder why. Why on earth would I NOT want people to think that about me?

The answer: it couldn't be further from the truth. I never want to give anyone (especially the young and sensitive new mama) the impression that somehow or other, Andrea Sawatzky has stumbled onto the secret of success. Look, how she balances life with three kids. Look at how happy her family is.

To be honest, that can very easily be the impression received from my photos. Sometimes I even scroll through them and wonder who the woman on the other side of the lens is. 

As I have gone through cycle after cycle of highs and lows, failings and triumphs, knowledge and learning, I have found one (only one) anchor for my soul. One thing that holds me in place when my mind is screaming out for me to run: 

Jesus Christ. The great High Priest. Interceding for me. Having faced temptation. Overcoming it. Defeating death. MY Saviour.

Jesus Christ. Better than all those who came before Him. Putting an end to endless sacrifices by paying the debt owed for our sin once and for all. 

Jesus Christ, bringing GRACE in the place of LAW.

He, who upholds the universe by the word of His power.

He, who is the Faithful One. Who never changes. In whom I can have my confidence.

"For because He himself has suffered when tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted" (Hebrews 2:18).

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account" (Hebrews 4:12-13)"

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).

"A better hope is introduced, through which we draw near to God" (Hebrews 7:19b).

"For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf" (9:24).

"For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified" (Hebrews10:14).

"Since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water" (Hebrews 10:21-22).

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls" (Hebrews 10:39).

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:1-2)

"Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire" (Hebrews 12:28-29).

"Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord, Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen" (Hebrews 13:20-21)

So. If you ever are tempted to think of me, don't. Instead, think of Christ. The one who is faithful, who continues to draw me back when I wander. He is patient and teaches me gently.

Sometimes I scorn His discipline, and wonder why I'm constantly dealing with the same sin over and over and over again. And, sometimes, I marvel at how merciful He is to even care to take the time to teach me.

When you look at my photos, there are some things you will not see. You won't see my counters piled high with dishes. You won't see the Great Laundry Beast that dominates the better part of my basement. You won't see the expression I wear as I'm failing to keep my angry and selfish thoughts inside.

There are also some things you won't hear: the wailing when I fail to perceive a dangerous stunt by the youngest two. The constant sibling bickering that makes absolutely no sense. My nagging, exasperated voice when I can tell the boys have decided that it's tune-Mom-out-o'clock. 

What I do hope you see, however, is the faithfulness of my gracious Redeemer, and the sinner, saved by grace. Because that's what I am. And I will never be free of that struggle against sin this side of heaven.